I'm inferior Se (well unconscious Se according to CT development levels), so I can either ignore or be extremely sensitive to sensory input. I don't really pay attention to my internal sensory experience so I can't really comment on that. But for the longest time, I've always been enamored with art, both aesthetically and symbolically. Aesthetics has always been a fascination of mine as it revs up my Ni with metaphysical and symbolic musings. Art and aesthetics are never without context and it's a joy to parse out the meanings of these things. With that, my experience of the sensory world is highly impressionistic, creating a simulacra-like experience of reality. I need Se to ground and give my impressions body and impact, and to experience a sense of flow with the world around me. Too much layering of direct experience creates a dissociative detachment from it, and reality becomes a ever more impressionistic and surreal simulacra. When I eventually get out of my fugue state, I can experience reality and direct sensory input as a bit of an uncanny yet welcome interruption from my normal flow. I can live in my mind while the whole world passes by. Somewhere else, I wrote about my relationship to Se:
I view Se as a primordial life force that’s necessary to experience reality in it’s fullest form (as someone with inferior Se). A will to being. My experience of Se is heavily symbolic and impressionistic. A concrete example of this is my love of art and aesthetics. Where words end, art and aesthetics fill in the gap where words no longer suffice. Art and aesthetics are languages in and of itself with their own set of rules, codes, and signifers. Similar to verbal language, the language of aesthetics is dynamic and subject to frequent paradigm shifts but in even more rapid succession than verbal language. We metabolize images on both a conscious and subconscious level, and decoding those meanings has been an interest of mine.
There was a period of time in my where my anger issues and depression have reached their zenith simultaneously, and it was during this time that I idolized and deified the rage that I carried. It gave me a sense of vitality, motivation, volition, and power that I’d otherwise never felt. Little did I realize at the time that it was an emergency attempt to access my Se, especially during a time where I felt psychologically, physically, emotionally inert, and mired in my own delusions, paranoia, grief, and repressed emotions.
For me to access Se is to disrupt my normal mode of being which is to be disengage with the world and be internally focused, But that disruption of the normal flow of things is necessary in order to fully self-actualize.
There was a period of time in my where my anger issues and depression have reached their zenith simultaneously, and it was during this time that I idolized and deified the rage that I carried. It gave me a sense of vitality, motivation, volition, and power that I’d otherwise never felt. Little did I realize at the time that it was an emergency attempt to access my Se, especially during a time where I felt psychologically, physically, emotionally inert, and mired in my own delusions, paranoia, grief, and repressed emotions.
For me to access Se is to disrupt my normal mode of being which is to be disengage with the world and be internally focused, But that disruption of the normal flow of things is necessary in order to fully self-actualize.
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