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**Quindary** · 04-26-2020, 03:46 PM

1. What's behind your avatar and forum name?

If you're Quin in a quandary, you're a Quindary.

My avatar is Quin from Star Trek - a Q that wanted to die. The Q Continuum is an immortal species that somehow functions like any mortal society in some ways... attempts to impose restrictions on its members. Suicide was off the table for anyone, but Quin felt he had lived a life so long it had become meaningless and he wanted to die. He presented his case against another Q and, despite all the hesitations of the Voyager staff, won the arbitration, so he assumed mortal form and killed himself.

2. Why do you get up in the morning?

You mean this place isn't just an interesting dream?

Ahem.. I mean.. it depends. Sometimes I get up with purpose. Sometimes I get up without. I try to get up with purpose more days than without. But the days I get up "because I work in an hour" are not the days with purpose.

3. Which animal do you relate to most? Why?

I don't relate a whole lot to most animals.

4. What natural element do you connect to most? Why?

I am wind. My mind goes everywhere without people seeing. My actions are a cutting edge you didn't see coming unless I stirred up some leaves.

5. What do you do?

I think. I find understanding and solutions.

Lately, I move more too. I want to combine thinking and moving more effectively, by pursuing martial arts and other exercises. It will wait until I have space.

6. Do you have any physical objects in your home that are significant to you? If so, tell us about them.

Hard drives that contain a whole lot of personal history in the form of downloaded or created files. Books that have a lot of content of importance to me. Nothing materially symbolic.

7. What's the most significant thing that happened to you this year? Why?

This year has been a cascade of changes. I have (just about) completed a 90-day food challenge called WildFit that helped me get rid of a lot of crap food in my diet and learn how to eat cyclically, and my body finally wants to move around. The agility is only a help to my mind, too. I've been studying again for a certification I have to pass to move on in a better direction with my career, and me and my partner are now scouting out homes about an hour south of us to move into a much better living situation.

I think through all of this, I'm learning the lesson that where SELF-PRES is concerned, and you know I hate it, but I SHOULDN'T accept less. I am entitled to vitality in more than just my brain, and I am entitled to better resources and living situations. And WildFit helped spur it all into motion.

Also thanks to WF, I don't think I'll be getting sick again for a long time. It ended up great timing to take it now, in the middle of COVID-19... I can't imagine a better timing to get my health back in order, drop some weight, and become more physically resilient to the world.

8. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what are some themes that come up often in your dream life?

I am starting to remember my dreams more lately. I don't know about themes. I need to start writing my dreams down.

9. What are your views on marriage?

It's a thing. Some people do it. Keep your traditions, practices, or preferences, but don't tread on others'.

10. What's your diet and workout routine?

For awhile it's been green, leafy vegetables, and meat-based proteins. No grains, no sugar. I will have to cycle out of it and reintroduce a few natural sugars every now and then, but for the moment I'm happy with it.

Workouts are tough to do in an apartment with no space, no local gym availability, and no natural ground around the complex that doesn't contain dog poop. Right now I settle for getting up, walking around, walking the dog, doing simple things like lunges and planks. I will move more when there is space.

11. Is there a celebrity that you admire or enjoy? Why?

Eh.. I'm not a celebrity person. I gotta say though, I like Bo Burnham.

12. Is your physical appearance important to you? What is your relationship to your own beauty?

This is the least important aspect of me. When I focus on my physical self, I focus on capacity. I want to be able to DO awesome things, and match the way I think with the way I move. As I get more into that space, looks will naturally follow.

13. Do you get bored easily? What do you do when you're bored?

I don't get bored. There is always something to think about, a question to consider, a problem to solve. A book to read.

14. What do other people envy about you?

You tell me.

15. What are you attracted to in other people?

Mostly their minds and ideas.

16. Is there a celebrity who you hate? Why?

Not particularly, though I'm no big fan of the ones who are trying to play up the "essential workers" right now. I mean, don't fucking sing about the grocery store workers or hospital staff. If you're healthy and you want to support these efforts, go sign up and WORK THERE.

17. Have you been angry about something this week? If so, what?

My job and my family.

18. Congrats, you just won a billion dollars. What would you do?

After the obvious, paying off any remaining loans and debt for myself and my family, I know of a certain commune that I would found and start building. My own building will have a lair and a lab, and I'll quit any job I might have and go back to school for physics as I have wanted for a long time.

Would also need to set aside some for world travel after the pandemic is over, and begin strategic investments, or possibly build (or buy) a profitable business I can run. As much as a billion is, I don't want the risk of running out.

And maybe that business could be focused on research on my own central questions in life. I'd have to flesh out that vision but... I will when I'm less busy, actually. That's a worthwhile thought.

19. What's on your mind lately?

Preparations for moving. Certifications for work. Plots and plans of how to build my future.

20. Do you have any alter-egos or fictional characters of your own that are significant to you? Tell us about them.

I am what I am what I am, and any separations I may have are all integrated back into me. I am still a vampire, AND a Q, AND a shapeshifter, and any other way I saw myself over the years. I'm just all in one.

Bonus, for typees:
Let's talk about your typing history. Which types have stood out to you as strong possibilities and why? What have you typed at in the past and why?

I don't think I'm anything other than a 5.

**Princess of Hearts** · 05-01-2020, 12:23 PM

1. What's behind your avatar and forum name?
Name's like Queen of Hearts except I usually prefer to go by princess.
Avatar goes with the name and my current inexplicably Lady Luck-ish mood.

2. Why do you get up in the morning?
Because I'm hungry.

3. Which animal do you relate to most? Why?
I don't feel all that connected to any animal.
If I had to be a wild animal it would probably be a fennec fox. In general I feel like a fox, feels like my animal, if I asked someone what animal I am I'd assume they'd say fox.
Also I am really drawn to animals such as cows, goats, sheep, etc. (also includes alpacas, camels?), I don't see myself as relating to them tho.

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??

4. What natural element do you connect to most? Why?
Fire: fireworks, smoke, candlelight, lights in general

Water: sea, water fountain flooding a garden

Air: I feel like I have a definite air-like quality, but I don't know how to define what it is, I wonder if it could be connected to 'music, sound, silence' element on this site. I connect it to air since obviously sound travels through air. I always felt certain power in my voice (definitely not in terms of singing though, sadly), even breath.

Earth: sand, stone but I'm thinking of like castles and old towns, mountain peaks, maybe

Obviously moon, and stars, nightsky and night landscapes.

Red roses.

It's hard to choose one, I don't relate to any of them in their purest form. Also it's mostly more of a "This part of the world belongs to me" sort of feeling rather than feeling like sand and I have a lot in common

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5. What do you do?
I don't even know.

6. Do you have any physical objects in your home that are significant to you? If so, tell us about them.
I don't really get attached to objects or find them particularly valuable, I can get sentimental but objects and meaning exist separately for me.
One thing maybe that comes to mind is a little hedgehog decor figurine my dad bought me years ago. He was really excited to give it to me and the idea of leaving it behind makes me sad. But at the same time the hedgehog itself doesn't feel that essential to the story, I can decide to give or take away the meaning, but I usually have to focus on the meaning of an object in order for it to stay connected to it, and sometimes I just feel like feeling sentimental.
I'm like the opposite of a hoarder.

7. What's the most significant thing that happened to you this year? Why?
Not much had time to happen?

8. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what are some themes that come up often in your dream life?
Lately very rarely, usually it's things I'm scared of or some really random things, atmosphere usually plays the main role.

The most significant dream I had this year was months ago, it was the second night sleeping in my bed after I spent weeks living elsewhere. The dream was about my building being haunted and I was central to the whole thing and I knew I had to give the ghosts whatever it is they wanted. The end of the dream was me entering the building and doors closing by themselves behind me.
Definitely reflected my reality at the time.

9. What are your views on marriage?
I'm not religious so I don't find the concept that important, but I still do wanna get married just because, feel like it locks it in, I like the idea of it.
I often just imagine us eloping, the idea of a wedding wedding feels cringey and embarrassing, it's more important that we are husband and wife.

I like the idea of super extravagant weddings and ball gowns, but maybe in some world in which I go to balls on monthly basis, it just feels off to have my wedding day be the only day like that. But it also depends on the groom.

???????10. What's your diet and workout routine?
This year I started going to the gym again and I actually got really into it and then corona came. Now I just go on walks and try not to eat horribly, I have no space or equipment to properly work out at home.
I always struggled a lot with eating healthy, but I manage to somehow keep myself under some level of control, I'm doing really well at the moment. I despise focusing on health and working out, it's so unsexy to me.

11. Is there a celebrity that you admire or enjoy? Why?
I don't feel inspired to talk about the specifics right now, but usually it's based on their beauty, and certain enticing, princess-like quality, embodying some ideal, rather than about what they do and such.
I don't follow celebrities a ton though.
Just for fun adding some names that come to mind: Kim Kardashian, Ariana Grande, Lana Del Rey
Also some that aren't internationally known so it would be difficult to explain, but it's always along the lines of this. Or sometimes I idolize much older celebrities so I can prepare myself for old age.

12. Is your physical appearance important to you? What is your relationship to your own beauty?
Very important, talked about it a lot already. I can't even imagine a parallel universe where it could be not important to me, I just wish I wasn't so obsessive about it in a negative way. At the end of the day I have to live with the body I was given. I've been trying my best not to scrutinize my appearance too much, not have expectations of what I should look like, not compare myself to everyone all the time and instead just live in my body and let the rest follow. But it's so hard to accept that someone gets to be more beautiful than me, I know it sounds petty but for me it feels like the most unfair thing in the world.
And tbh I'm a strange mix of...like I feel like I would be attracted to myself

But then I see all the other girls and think "Ugh I have no boobs", "I have such a strange face", "My hair is so rough, what kind of stupid curse from God is this?", "His ex looks like her and I are separate species" and I just wanna go hide into a cave and die, or officially become:

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13. Do you get bored easily? What do you do when you're bored?
Constantly, I try to find something to do, or I weep around looking for entertainment.

14. What do other people envy about you?

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15. What are you attracted to in other people?

It's mostly about our dynamics, already wrote about it already in terms of romance. Currently find everyone pretty dreadful so I don't really remember.

?????16. Is there a celebrity who you hate? Why?
I'm sure there are celebrities that annoy me, but I don't really see the point of hating people who don't even know I exist.

17. Have you been angry about something this week? If so, what?
Can't think of anything, aside from the weather.

18. Congrats, you just won a billion dollars. What would you do?
For starters quit college and throw a party?

19. What's on your mind lately?
Uff, what isn't (not very interesting things)

20. Alter egos
Talked about it.

**Qassim** · 05-01-2020, 11:23 PM

I have spoken with painful honesty. Do with this what you will.

1. What's behind your avatar and forum name?
Qassem Soleimani is behind my username and avatar combo. That's him in the photo. For reference, this is the Iranian general killed by the US this past January.

I am a girl, but I realize I have a long history of adopting a male persona on forums. Anyone's guess as to why that is...my own feeling is that the majority of women, even the interesting powerful ones, fail to inspire me. Can a woman be misogynistic? Women are lame. I don't like being one.

Aaaaand, Qassem more or less lived my best life. I'll never get that life, but goddamn it I can pretend to be him on an enneagram forum. I can have one itty-bitty little crumb of glory here, right?

2. Why do you get up in the morning?
Between you and me, sometimes I don't.

In fact, I haven't really for the last half decade or so. I don't see much point to it when I don't have a job, or family, or friends, or a permanent home and the court system is sucking the joy out of existence...all of my life is on the internet--friends, music, humor, movies, hobbies, classes, etc. So I stay in bed and do internet. Nothing moves me except external pressures, or my own inspiration (lacking).

3. Which animal do you relate to most? Why?
The falcon. It is a fast predatory bird that sees everything from on high. It's plain grey and brown, but it's fierce. You may not deduce these qualities about me from the rest of my post, but I FEEL them.

Also I look like one.

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4. What natural element do you connect to most? Why?
Which ones can I choose from? I guess earth? I'm astrologically an earth sign. I'm scared of heights. I'm scared of deep water. Etc. Of every conceivable element, earth probably disturbs me the least. I feel comfortable and in command of myself while on land. I guess that makes me an earth elemental by default. I know this contradicts the falcon thing somewhat.

5. What do you do?
I study.

One thing I will never be separated from, is online classes. I have dozens upon dozens. I started a few years ago, and I haven't stopped. I am insatiable.

6. Do you have any physical objects in your home that are significant to you? If so, tell us about them.
Oh. My home. I'm homeless.

I used to have a house I loved, in a neighborhood I loved, in a city and country I loved. It was taken from me by the courts. I now live penniless in exile.

I had things there. Things of warmth and significance. But not anymore.

And, thieves took my suitcase. And my money. So. I possess nothing but some daily items, some clothes, and my crystal collection. This is all I have in the world.

You tell me how significant that is.

7. What's the most significant thing that happened to you this year? Why?
- I moved to Sri Lanka
- I entered an abusive relationship
- I took a gemology class
- I learned reiki
- I learned crystal healing
- I left Sri Lanka
- I quit my gem class
- I dropped the relationship
- I went to Crapbodia
- I got a job after 5 years of unemployment
- I lost my job again and had my last paycheck literally snatched out of my hands
- I got sealed in the country without money or support
- Someone stole my suitcase

You tell me which of these things is the most significant. I can't tell because I'm under it all.

8. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what are some themes that come up often in your dream life?
Ah yes. My dreams.

I've always had demented dreams. I sleep with an indigo gabbro that makes them about 10 times more vivid and easy to remember (I am not making this up).

I have done a small level of work on them. Starting at age 14, I would inevitably have dreams where I was running away from something in our house. I'd run outside and down the streets, and the harder I ran, the more fun it became. Soon, I'd remember I could fly. Then it would be fun, and I'd be flying away to foreign lands. The sun was shining, and it was always summer. Every morning, without fail. I never could remember just what I was running from, but I didn't care, because the dreams were enjoyable and fun.

Then I got sick. Severely enough that I thought I was going to die. My family abandoned me. My own mother turned her back on my pleas for help. She left me to die.

I began to dream that she was some sort of robot, where you could look inside and see the gears and software. I would run away in terror, run outside, start flying. And as soon as I made the connection...the dreams stopped.

For 13 years, I was running from the horror of a mother whose love was a lie. She cared nothing about me. Never did. In retrospect, this was clear in her other actions toward me. And at some level, I knew it. But, like a fool, I believed in love then. I don't anymore. It was all an illusion.

Wrap your head around that, though--if you discovered that everyone you ever thought loved you was just a robot going through the motions and were in fact utterly apathetic to your suffering. Can you imagine?

Nowadays, I tend to dream about a lot of stuff at my grandmother's house. It represents "root" issues. Early childhood. Behind her house there are woods (both irl and in dreams), and these woods are my inner world, my personal garden to cultivate. It's spring and autumn and winter and summer in those woods, all at the same time.

No one else is allowed inside. Something external FORCES me out of my dream if I try to let people enter the woods.

The rest is just...demented stuff that's fun to talk about in the morning but has little significance overall.

TL;DR: Don't waste your time on this boring shit.

9. Is your physical appearance important to you? What is your relationship to your own beauty?
I care nothing about appearances and look down on people who don't question them tbh.

Paradoxically, I also happen to care very much about my own physical appearance. When I say I "care" about it, I mean I obsess over how much I hate my appearance and how almost everyone has better _____ than I do. I hate my beaky nose, my horsey downturned smile, my square masculine chin and jaw, my Asian porcupine hair, my bent shoulders, my shapeless figure, the lines on my forehead, my pointy bony features, you name it. Yet I take no action to improve myself or hide my flaws, because that's like lipstick on a pig, and just what is the goddamn point? EVERYONE KNOWS. Fair to say I gave up before starting, and as age overtakes me, I mainly just try to avoid the mirror at all costs because it thoroughly depresses me. 5 years ago, I looked cute and young. Now I look like the unattractive middle-aged dowager that I am.

I was told I was ugly as a child...in a very repetitive and abusive manner, over years...I internalized the message to protect myself from it. It permanently destroyed my self-concept on many levels.

I've never been able to work myself free of this perception, that I'm ugly and disgusting, that my presence is toxic. No one has ever cared enough to disabuse me of this notion, either. So I don't feel that I have my own beauty. Never have, but age is making this far worse.

I nearly committed suicide over this a few years ago during a depressive episode. I still may. It's what the entire episode was about, on the surface.

(Another part of me is fine being terrible and ugly and loves to scare children; I wish this part would win the struggle more often.

But attractiveness is too important to me for that. I am not a free woman.)

10. What are your views on marriage?
Devoutly anti-marriage. Anti-gay marriage. Anti-straight marriage. Just anti-marriage. I literally do not see the point of it. It's so stupid, it just makes life hell and then people break their vows and get divorced. Then they start up again, but fuck up their new step-kids in the process, so that the cycle can continue to repeat. An exercise in futility.

Haha marriage. What fucking ever.

11. What's your diet and workout routine?
It's called staying inside and not eating.

For real though. I like to eat healthy food. No matter what. I've had health issues and nutritional deficiencies in my time, so salad and fruit and veg and healthy meats and grains and eggs all taste better to me than oil and grease and sugar.

I still crave chocolate, but for the most part, I don't eat a lot of junk.

Also I'm an intuitive eater--I eat what I'm craving at the time. No rules. No restrictions. The animal knows what it needs.

I don't do exercise beyond walking everywhere. I used to run in the evenings, but I left my running shoes in another country. I'm horrifyingly unathletic though.

12. Is there a celebrity that you admire? Why?
Sheikh Mohammed, ruler of Dubai. He's been getting some severely negative press these days, justifiably so, I think. But I am just going to say that in an era when Arab leaders blamed all their domestic problems on "Israel" and used it as an excuse to be mediocre, he said Fuck that and just tried to make his country the best in could be, on his own terms. None of that ideology stuff, pandering to the masses, and other bullshit. It was a courageous departure from the regional norm and the expectations that surround that. Proof that we can make our world as we wish it to be; the will can prevail.

13. Do you get bored easily? What do you do when you're bored?
I'm pretty resistant to boredom in a day-to-day way. I find everything inside me and outside me to be completely and utterly fascinating. I'm also fine doing literally NOTHING but basking in my own physical comfort.

I worry more about an overall stagnation in my life...I'm halfway through it, and what have I really done? Why does nothing good ever happen? Why can't I build something? Why don't I ever get to win? Why is everything about pain and loss, being physically and mentally ill, sitting around the house waiting for something better to happen? My life is half over and all I have to show for it is tough experiences, poverty, and utter degradation.

I'm bored on a much grander scale than is typically acknowledged, and I don't actually know what to do about it. The fact that nothing bores me in a day-to-day sense means that I'm not motivated to actually try to tackle the problem. Even though I hate it.

14. What do other people envy about you?
I'm sorry, I can't imagine anyone envying me. Only the most base fool would do that.

Come to think of it, I know one guy. He envies me because he thinks I have this glamorous life of travel. He doesn't realise that I get kicked from one circumstance to the next, against my will; that I live abroad because I can't afford to return to the decaying bloated nation from which I emerged; that I currently live in in a cesspool riddled with crime; that my life has been about me sitting around in my house, sick, longing, lonely, and more often than not, with nothing to eat.

Every time he starts romanticizing my life, I get so mad I could literally kick the ever-loving fuck out of him. I want to strangle him, I really do.

No sane person should envy anything about me. Moron.

15. What are you attracted to in other people?
Pretty sure you could lure me in with a beautiful piece of music.

16. Is there a celebrity you hate? Why?
I don't have the emotional energy to hate someone I don't know.

17. Have you been angry about something this week? If so, what?
Yeah. The horrible shithole worthless country I live in, with its vile, money-grubbing populace. Made up of thieves and criminals, all robbing a tired poor penniless woman like me. Putrid hive of scum and villainy. My anger and contempt become disrespect, and my disrespect spills over into my actual treatment of them, and I DON'T CARE. They should be fucking genocided out of existence, racist scum and human trash, all. I just hate this place so much.

I walk around angry and ready to fight and attack. I can never trust these conniving, gibbering little monkeys. There's a lack of respect between us, and a kind of mutual dehumanization...whereas they see me as a walking ATM, I see them as rubber NPCs to be tossed out of my way.

It's an unhealthy dynamic. I know this. It drove me insane last time I survived this hellhole. It may do so again. I long to kill these people, bash their heads open, ribbon their flesh. They are less than animals to me, and I really mean that. This is WAR. I show no mercy.

I hate them; I am angry about it this week and will be for many, many weeks to come. God what a white-trash cesspool of human filth I chose.

18. Congrats, you just won a billion dollars. What would you do?
Get the fuck out of this shithole for starters. Hell, I'd buy my own plane.

I'd go back to the UK and save my house from the clutches of the court system. Reinvest a certain percentage so that, you know, I'd have an income. Help some deserving people in my life. (Fuck that charity shit..."I'd give 50% to charity". No you wouldn't, otherwise our planet wouldn't have the inequalities that it does.) Hire a cook and a maid so that I don't keep failing at adulting. Invest in several plots of land around the world for sustainability initiatives. Travel in relative comfort for a year (instead of always doing everything at weird times, missing sleep, going by bus, dividing a box of granola bars between 3 meals, walking everywhere, sleeping on floors and hostels with bedbugs, etc). Buy several online classes I've been begging for but cost like 1000 dollars each. Finish my MSc, and sue the shit out of my stepmother. Possibly hire a mercenary army so NO ONE WILL EVER FUCK WITH ME AGAIN.

And take it from there.

19. What's on your mind lately?
Well, covid for one. How I'm stuck in a foreign country I detest, penniless, with this grasping discriminatory system. How I'm alone, how social tensions might ensue, and how vulnerable to violence this leaves me. How I should get a taser and carry a knife, and Jesus Christ, how good it would feel to use both of them against these maggots.

Unemployment. The hunger I face every day, and what I'm going to do once Uncle Sam's cash distribution burns through. My parents...who I still loathe and who won't spare a dime on me, but who can access my limited American savings and send them to me...if they don't die first. My undertaker sister getting exposed to this shit all the time. The ongoing legal battles in my life that I am too stressed to deal with anymore. My greying hair and how people have literally pushed me into early aging the fuckers.

Whether I can get a job in a better-paying, more advanced nation, whether I can even get out of this one, or if I am able to do that, if circumstances won't turn against me there yet again. How literally no one in the world cares about me. How I don't even trust the people who run the hostel I live in.

There's a profound sense of tension and being trapped, verging on despair. There's just nowhere to turn.

20. Do you have any alter-egos or fictional characters of your own that are significant to you? Tell us about them.
I once invented and embodied a little bedouin girl. Her name was Bayda, and she was a 2w1. Her job was to tend the camels. Her parents died when she was a baby.

My family thought I was literally insane. I was threatened with being forcibly institutionalized. Later, I was kicked out of the house.

I never looked back. Except in times of dire need (with life-threatening illnesses, with losing my home, or when I wound up in an abusive relationship, for instance), at which times they kicked me to the curb again.

I might be insane, but thank God I'm not a selfish, deluded hypocrite who values my emotional comfort more than my daughter's life and well-being.

Bonus:
Let's talk about your typing history. Which types have stood out to you as strong possibilities and why? What have you typed at in the past and why?
Better not talk too much about this. PerC and the malignant narcissist scumbags that dwelt there, pretty much FORCED me to be a 6. I'm embarrassed that I believed them, but I told you--I have gone insane before. This was ongoing while I was on PerC. I was unsound of mind, and looking to escape the daily war I was embroiled in dealing with this sociopathic shithole I still live in!

So, why not? I couldn't see myself in my actual type. Why not 6.

The rest of my typings are too damn stereotypical. Pretty much the types you would think. I won't bother bringing it up.

TL;DR: I am a pompous, self-absorbed twit who loves to blather on endlessly, don't waste your time.

**[redacted]** · 05-03-2020, 08:42 AM

1. What's behind your avatar and forum name?

That's [redacted]...

In all seriousness, it actually started as a joke, because there's this game I've been playing where when discussing things not released to our server yet, people will refer to as [redacted] and it's kind of like a meme. So I thought it would be funny to change my sn to this. And then I found that it looks cool and mysterious, which is a plus. Even if I generally feel too splat to be really mysterious... Though apparently I can be better at hiding than I thought. I tend to feel like I go through the world with my insides exposed, like I've been skinned alive, or like I've been turned inside out, with no defenses to cover me up. So the idea is interesting.

As for my avatar, I liked how it looked vibrant and expressive. I have been feeling frustrated a lot so her demeanor fits.

2. Why do you get up in the morning?

'Cause I need to pee. And sleeping forever gets boring after a while.

3. Which animal do you relate to most? Why?

I don't know about relating to any animal, but I'm quite fond of cats. Something about a creature that can look so adorable and fierce at the same time.

I also like snakes, and I was born in the year of the snake so that's something. ???? ????I like them because they are sexy, representing seduction, mystery, and cunning. Seriously though I think snake-like qualities are more aspirational because I can struggle with keeping my cool and waiting for the right time to strike. And I tend to be more straightforward. But well, there are pros and cons to everything I suppose.

Sometimes I kinda feel like a bear, because I can be grumpy and pessimistic, etc. though I can also feel like a chirpy little bird.

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Or like a turtle, but that feels mostly negative because I got a back-injury that makes me feel like I literally am... trapped. Well, I believe the turtle represents wisdom and patience, but actually I don't think so, I think it's frustrated.

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Basically it depends on my mood.

4. What natural element do you connect to most? Why?

That's a hard one, 'cause again, it depends a lot on my mood. I actually tried making a pinterest board for elements since I felt like I could do something with each element
https://www.pinterest.de/wtff89/elementals/
It started out as a "magic" board that had primarily a forest-y aesthetic, so perhaps "wood" would be my element. Honestly I don't feel that *~*~connected~*~* to nature in reality, but I like the idea of an enchanted forest as it's a nice ambiance.

When making collages I often go for similar type of aesthetic as well. Like...

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(Idk)

???But also I felt like there were a lot of water-y pictures as well, that I could make a board out of... and there's different types of magic. So then I decided to make a board based on the elements.

Also like the Music/Sound/Silence element on archetribe but that's different.

5. What do you do?

Nothing.

?

??

?

???

6. Do you have any physical objects in your home that are significant to you? If so, tell us about them.

Uh... my computer. Wouldn't be able to do much without that, though the phone can work as a substitute for certain things, but not all.

7. What's the most significant thing that happened to you this year? Why?

Nothing yet...

8. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what are some themes that come up often in your dream life?

Sometimes. I've been bad at remembering them lately, though. I seemed to be having a lot of road trip dreams for a while, as well as dreams involving plays (or movie theaters) in some manner. Like there's something I want to see but then there might be some obstacle keeping me from getting there in time.

The most recent dream that I can actually remember started out with traveling by the subway, then it mainly took place in a hospital, and I think someone was hiding from a monster that was hunting them down or something. And there was some political stuff going on. Think it was post-apocalyptic too because there were people in a room being paired up for breeding purposes. Too bad I don't remember much more because there was a lot going on with this dream.

Hospitals and politics aside though (I wonder if that might have been inspired by current events...), someone trying to hide from or escape something that's hunting them also seems like a common theme. Not so much lately though.

Another theme that comes to mind is being in a store and not being able to buy everything I want. Usually has to do with Pokemon 'cause I've always been obsessed with Pokemon.

9. What are your views on marriage?

I used to like the idea of marriage when I was a kid, and I would tell my mom "I won't be like you when I grow up, I won't have a kid outside of marriage." Which is so funny now... I don't even have any plans of having kids or getting married. So yeah, I never did have any kids outside of marriage indeed. But that's more because I don't want to be tied down and honestly marriage is just a formality anyway, so it shouldn't be necessary. I think back then I just liked to look down on my mom in general, because I thought she was a loser and was kinda repulsed by her, as I assume most people feel towards their parents to some degree.

10. What's your diet and workout routine?

Don't do diets.

11. Is there a celebrity that you admire or enjoy? Why?

Probably, but none that comes to mind at the top of my head... It's like, even when I like their work, I prefer focusing on their work and not necessarily on them, because real people aren't that interesting.

12. Is your physical appearance important to you? What is your relationship to your own beauty?

Sort of. But it's like I don't know what things actually look like, and I often feel like I look nothing like how I actually feel, so it's confusing.

13. Do you get bored easily? What do you do when you're bored?

Yes. Well if I'm bored it's because my usual methods for entertaining myself aren't working, so Idk WHAT to do at that point. I might try even harder than usual to get someone's attention so that they will entertain me. Like I've not been far off from just messaging someone and being like hey! I'm bored! Entertain me! Although I've realized that that sort of thing might offend people, and then they won't want to entertain me at all. So I try to be a bit nicer about it, but the more bored I get...

14. What do other people envy about you?

Idk.

15. What are you attracted to in other people?

Hotness.

Seriously though, do I really want to give away the secrets for how to seduce me? Hmmm

16. Is there a celebrity who you hate? Why?

No. However annoying a celebrity might be, they are too irrelevant to me to actually hate. That's for things that have an actual impact on me.

17. Have you been angry about something this week? If so, what?

Same old.

18. Congrats, you just won a billion dollars. What would you do?

Buy a bunch of toilet paper.

19. What's on your mind lately?

Eh, wondering if my ex has been having sex with his new partner. and if I made a fatal mistake by letting him go... Then recently I watched Beastars, and holy shit that show is great. With which I mean it's fucken ridiculous and I love it. And you know, having something like that to be excited over gives a similar feeling to felling in love with someone, so it's like as long as I have something like that I wouldn't "need" a partner or whatever... too bad it's hard to find things that I really enjoy so much though. But also it reminded me of something I was thinking about a while ago, because I was feeling in love with this guy who was not at all reliable, and I thought it would be good if I could "transfer" those feelings towards something more secure. Although at the same time there's the... romantic ideal of my feelings for a person being more "meaningful" than that, like a part of me wants to believe that, but... heh.

20. Do you have any alter-egos or fictional characters of your own that are significant to you? Tell us about them.

No alter-egos, but I do have some OCs that I think about a lot. It can be embarrassing to talk about, but lets see...

One of my more recent OCs is this werewolf girl who would literally murder someone before ever admitting to making a mistake. Basically she's a bit of a control freak. Seriously though the murder thing began when a guy she met in college tracked her down and showed up at the door of her childhood home, and she didn't know how to deal with that so she ended up killing him and ran away to another town. But after killing once it somehow has a way of leading to the necessity of more murders. She started out as a sim born in one of my games, and she was born a Capricorn so if you want to be deep about it you could say she represents my inferior Te shadow or something. Or I represent her inferior Fi.

I have another character I used to think about a lot, but they're kind of embarrassing to talk about... Basically they're like a Loki-ish character. (Not based on him, but similar archetype) And I don't have much identification with maleness (even if having a dick seems fun sometimes), so when I think about male characters it feels even more distanced from myself.

(I have a lot more characters, but they don't occupy my mind to the same extent.)

**PleasureToBurn** · 06-18-2020, 07:23 PM

1. What's behind your avatar and forum name?

-It's my old AIM screen name. It comes from a slogan for Camels that I thought sounded cool. Avatar is from the film's Shame, about sex addiction. In the film, the main character is a 3w4, and 3s also deal with shame. I thought it was a very powerful film that hit close to home. Pretty sure Fassbender is also a 3, too.

2. Why do you get up in the morning?

-Just do. I've been sleeping more lately which is unusual for me though.

3. Which animal do you relate to most? Why?

-Stallion or shark. Stallion because they're beautiful, elegant, powerful, and wild. Shark because they're always moving, always on the hunt. Even when they're sleeping they're still kind of alert, otherwise they will sink to the bottom and die.

4. What natural element do you connect to most? Why?

-Water or fire. I've always been drawn to both, and my music, writing and personality has been compared to water. In many ways I've been drawn to fire also and my temperament can be very fiery.

5. What do you do?

Music, writing, art, business. Work hard play hard.

6. Do you have any physical objects in your home that are significant to you? If so, tell us about them.

Many. Here are a few:

My bookshelf with all of my books and trophies/awards.

My guitars.

My baby photo album.

My framed print of a painting of John Coltrane.

A cigar box full of different things. Guitar picks, a remembrance card from my father's funeral, a prayer card to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, my rosary, stickies and highlighters, a pocket square.

A big American flag wall decoration that I won.

Nautical decorations I collected over the years.

A few Lego sets from my childhood.

The shadow box I made for my father.

The workbooks and notebooks from.a few conferences.

The crucifix from my father's old store.

Glasses from my family's old cabin.

My grandfather's binoculars.

My great uncle's belt buckle and medals from WWII.

My shot glass collection.

A box of stuff from my exes.

Letters and cards from friends and family.

A large blown up picture of my as a baby signed by everyone who looked after me in Mexico.

7. What's the most significant thing that happened to you this year? Why?

-Not an exact event, but still dealing with the breakup of the woman I loved and the death of my father, both of which happened last fall. Even with covid, those two things overshadowed everything this year. Alot of soul searching and long nights.

8. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what are some themes that come up often in your dream life?

-Fighting wild animals like tigers, bears, dinosaurs, and wild dogs. Orgies. War. Apocalypse. Violence like seeing people raped, being raped, evisverating and torturing people trying to kill me. Sad dreams about exes. People breaking in. Extremely vivid nightmares that leave me shaking, crying, depressed, or afraid upon waking. Extremely vivid sex dreams. Threesomes, orgies, fucking in front of a party or in public, all sorts of kinky stuff.

Also, recurring places. Cities and neighborhoods that look different than in real life but feel the same way in the dream.

Lately, I've had a couple dreams about creepy children trying to get in or getting in the house and acting creepy and sinister.

I used to have recurring dreams about tigers too, but not so much for a few years now.

9. What are your views on marriage?

-I believe in it but I would want to be completely sure I was with the right woman. Extreme vetting up front because I would want to get married eventually.

10. What's your diet and workout routine?

-Lots of protein. Eggs, meat, cheese, vegetables, not a lot of fruit though, and I try to limit the carbs.

Usually workout 6 days a week. All bodyweight stuff with some free weights. Lots of pushups. Usually at least 1,000 a day.

11. Is there a celebrity that you admire or enjoy? Why?

-Great musicians, artists, writers, politicians, and business people. Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Pollock, Van Gogh, Washington, Jackson, Trump, Warren Buffett, Grant Cardone, Kim Kardashian.

They are the the best at what they do.

12. Is your physical appearance important to you? What is your relationship to your own beauty?

-Hell yeah, I like to look good.

13. Do you get bored easily? What do you do when you're bored?

-Not really because I'm usually always doing something. I know how to keep myself entertained.

14. What do other people envy about you?

-Who knows. Maybe my resilience, my confidence, my creativity.

15. What are you attracted to in other people?

-Physically, dark hair, curves, voice, eyes, lips, ass.

Non physical would be kindness, darkness, high sex drive, kinkiness, right leaning politics, intellect, fucked up sense of humor, and either really feminine girly girl or more of a Tom boy, ideally a mix of both.

16. Is there a celebrity who you hate? Why?

-Joy behar, AOC, Nancy Pelosi, any celebrity who's super liberal and outspoken who thinks everyone on the right is a racist ect.

17. Have you been angry about something this week? If so, what?

-Some idiots were yelling shit at me from their car. Some idiot talking shit and doxxing my friend's wife. Probably other shit too but I can't think of anything else right now.

18. Congrats, you just won a billion dollars. What would you do?

-Set up a trust, invest most of it, set up some LLCs, get into real estate, get into the markets, buy up a bunch of music equipment, art supplies, hire an editor, get some expensive suits, go for a night out at the most expensive high end steak house and see how high I can run up the tab, get a private jet and head out to Dallas, and donate some to charities.

19. What's on your mind lately?

-Planning out the rest of the year and how I'm going to execute everything. What I'm going to do if I get covid or if she starts seeing someone else. Thinking about how hard the rest of the year is going to be and ways to combat depression once it starts getting really bad.

20. Do you have any alter-egos or fictional characters of your own that are significant to you? Tell us about them.

-No.

Bonus, for typees:
Let's talk about your typing history. Which types have stood out to you as strong possibilities and why? What have you typed at in the past and why?

-Typing at 3w4. Other contenders: 4w3, 7w8, cp6w7, 8w7, and maaaybe 2w3. I typed at 4w3 originally. If 4, it'd be sx 4w3. If 6, sx6. If 7, maybe sp 7. If 8, sx 8 or so 8.

Typing at LIE. Definitely some kind of Gamma. I think that one makes the most sense.

**Lilith** · 01-20-2021, 08:22 AM

Doing this for fuuuun and to catch up! I feel like I already know my type, but I'm open to new suggestions if you feel I am mistyped!

1. What's behind your avatar and forum name?

I don't have an avatar yet. My forum name, Lilith, is a recent rebirth of my shadow. Formerly considering myself to be a god of my own world, trapped in hell, and also a "copycat" of people of the opposite sex, I had a friend who helped me work through that but then she betrayed my trust for... well, good reasons I guess. I was kinda being a nuisance. But after I sorted that out, I started a new association that mixes romantic love with a visceral fear. And I decided this type to build my alternate persona not out of a specific person (as I had done in the past) but out of a more universal mythology. Christening myself with the name Lilith marks the beginning of that journey.

2. Why do you get up in the morning?

"Find the happiness." If I thought I could be happier by lying in bed all day, I would. But the happiness of those who believe in tomorrow is greater than the happiness of those who live for today.

3. Which animal do you relate to most? Why?

Oh I don't know anymore. I'm something of a cat-person, but I swear I'm trying to change. I want to become someone who is enticing and attracts more people to myself, and I don't care much what animal that is.

4. What natural element do you connect to most? Why?

Hmm. Probably water? This could be its own typing. I really don't know, sorry.

5. What do you do?

I was a teacher, but I'm kinda tired of it. I want to do something along the lines of ergonomics I think.

6. Do you have any physical objects in your home that are significant to you? If so, tell us about them.

Not yet, but I'm working on that. I'm literally packing up all my crap and leaving my crappy apartment today, partly because I never took into account the aesthetic aspect. And now that I have, well. I'm getting rid of a lot and filling my life with some significant objects.

7. What's the most significant thing that happened to you this year? Why?

I fell apart and wanted to rebuild my life because I lived in a way that made me feel like crap. Society tells guys to be a lot of things and I'm trans and I decided recently that my transition was more important than the life I built for myself. Thank god I still have loving parents that are willing to take me back and help me to completely rebuild my life. I count my blessings daily.

8. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what are some themes that come up often in your dream life?

I don't keep up with my dreams anymore. I enjoy my dreams, but remembering my dreams never made them any richer, and I seem to remember on a subconscious level the parts of my dreams that I need for my waking life quite naturally.

9. What are your views on marriage?

Marriage is basically a choice to start a new family. The basic glue usually comes down to commitment to one other person.

10. What's your diet and workout routine?

I swear I'm working on this, but I need some serious help on that front. I usually end up eating trail mix and just doing a few push ups and sit ups haphazardly if left to my own devices.

12. Is your physical appearance important to you? What is your relationship to your own beauty?

Some days I want to stab the mirror because my face is too masculine. Thankfully things haven't been too terrible lately. I wasn't vain until I started my gender transition. After that, my appearance become a lot more important. I still look like a guy and am basically attracted only to women, so basically I try to walk the line of androgynous without looking like a cross-dresser.

13. Do you get bored easily? What do you do when you're bored?

I often get bored at night. I love early morning (4am to sunrise) but hate the time after sunset. I run out of energy and then I feel like I have to just wait until I fall asleep. Depending on how aggressively bored I am, I might get some paper and scribble into it until it tears basically. Usually I just walk around aimlessly until something clicks. Staying on a healthy routine seems to help a lot with curing boredom actually.

14. What do other people envy about you?

I don't know. People tell me that I'm pretty a lot, especially my hair. It has naturally soft curls. They also take note of how attuned to my inner states I am. Also my parents are basically saints, and people tell me all the time how grateful I should be for that.

15. What are you attracted to in other people?

Fun personalities. Risk taking. Self-respect. Contained cuteness. Basically a lot of things. I'm attracted to people who challenge me, who strive to be someone, et cetera.

17. Have you been angry about something this week? If so, what?

I was rejected by a friend of mine, but I got over myself. She did what any self-respecting person would do. I need to work on myself.

18. Congrats, you just won a billion dollars. What would you do?

Talk to someone who has some sense about how to use money properly. My parents already own a nice place. I would probably also pick like three friends who I felt were really deserving and award them with a certain amount of my money.

19. What's on your mind lately?

My life doesn't make sense anymore, and I want to go back home to my family. If I am diligent and pack everything up today, I can drive out this morning. But I don't really do work before the sunrise. I'm waiting for about another hour or two, then putting in a good solid three hours of work to hopefully wrap things up here and get home.

20. Do you have any alter-egos or fictional characters of your own that are significant to you? Tell us about them.

Sort of. I'm nonbinary; a feminine guy. I've felt a need to create an alter-ego in order for people to understand who I am and what I'm about. Lilith isn't a name that I think I'd expect people to use for me in person. It's too... self-important.

Bonus, for typees:
Let's talk about your typing history. Which types have stood out to you as strong possibilities and why? What have you typed at in the past and why?

NiFe, Type 9

So Type 9 is easier. People may know me as having formerly gone by the name Dying Acedia. The dying of dying acedia has come to a close, and now I'm driven more by a desire for love and personal happiness than by anything else. But the history of that acedia... "I don't care." "I wish I was never born." "I don't want to experience anything." These were my deepest feelings. Now? I'd say that's boring. I don't think that changes my type; I think it does merit a rebranding though. Anyway, there was also a feeling of general world-weariness, wanting to check out and stuff.

NiFe is different. I have a hard type with the cognitive type part. Basically the Fe part is the part that I feel describes a lot of my personality and how I work. The Ni could be Si for all I care, but people tell me that I'm probably Ni, so I go with that.

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