Chiron

[ledyanoy]

Chironhttps://astrostyle.com/chiron-signs/https://chirotic.com/2008/07/06/chir...FBQUFBRjI4Z013


I have been swindled over and over and it remains a source of wound. I find the overlap with financial stability as per what you have gotten from the sweat of your own brow and creative ability as well as value as a person in this world is a major theme in my life. Artists, creative producers and people who think outside the box l8ke inventors are often ripped off, or just used and devalued in their time.

[RALA]

My Chiron is in Virgo in the 12th house conjunct my Asc and opposite my Moon and Saturn, and also trine my Mercury. You can imagine it's hard to say for me how it impacts my life, it being in the 12th house where it is hidden deep in my subconscious. Whenever I've tried to think about it and try to analyze it I'm hit with a blank space in my head lol. But I've managed to make sense of it a bit. It is conjunct my Asc in Virgo and I can see how my self image issues that led to eating disorders is tied to my Chiron placement. It's Virgo and it's well understood there is perfectionism and a critical nature to be found with this energy, and the Asc being your appearance and all this, it caused me to be extra critical and sensitive when it comes to the way I look. I am Se lead (most probably) and I have a 4 fix, so I had this idea about how I SHOULD look because it was how I FELT and KNEW I was. I wanted to be strong and perfectly in shape, but instead I had serious health issues as a teen, starting from age 12 or 13 up until 17. Virgo rules the 6th house of health and I also have my Saturn in that house, which of course makes me hella predisposed to health related issues. It also makes me very concerned with physical health because I naturally understand it is strongly connected to strength.

Now, regarding the 12th house. Chiron is in 12th opposite my Moon. I think this might have something to do with my... almost phobia of pregnancy and having children. Of course, I have actual reasons why I don't want children and why the thought of it scares me, and being tied down with a huge responsibility is one of them. But there is still more. I have nightmares about being pregnant all the time, I've had nightmares where I am someone else completely and I am pregnant and terrified and sometimes in these nightmares I am killed in the most horrific ways, both me and my unborn child. It seems like this fear is deep ingrained in my subconscious and I don't know where it comes from. Maybe it's related to some past life since the dreams I had seemed so fucking real that I would literally wake up feeling extreme fear in my chest. As a kid I would claim I won't have any children ever in my life. I associate all this with my Chiron in the 12th being opposite my Moon since Moon is The Mother.

But anyway, I think the placement of my Chiron in the 12th has a bigger theme anyway, and it's a spiritual one. I've read that this placement it's related to spiritual issues and how important it is to follow a ''spiritual'' path. Ironically, I am someone who cannot even meditate properly. My mind is constantly running and I can't ''silence'' it by sitting still and focusing. The closest I get to a calm mind and clarity is when I run. THAT's when I feel more at peace, and that is one big reason why I love running, and any kind of exercise for that matter. I need my waters to boil over and flood, I cannot calm them from the inside. But I want to, I swear I want to and that's one of my goals. I've realized a big part of healing and growing is going against your nature, conquering yourself. And that I shall do.

[PleasureToBurn]

I have Chiron in the 2nd house in Gemini. It says struggles with comforts like eating or drinking, fear of being alone, and sibling rivalry for struggles. I don't relate to the fear of being alone, but I am estranged from my sibling and I have used both food, alcohol, and other comforts to cope in the past. Interesting.

[[redacted]]

Turns out I have Chiron in Cancer, which is also my sun sign. Going from the descriptions I can find online it sounds like a lot of emotional neediness, which is fitting in that I feel powerless in relationships, or deprived, as I want more than I can have, or that I'm able to express. Like I talked about wanting to possess someone or expressing regret that I couldn't, but then I just felt awkward. Thing is that I can be flakey as well (I don't like to commit), so that doesn't make things any easier.

[Animal]

Here was a rant from chat, about how my chiron ties into my enneagram and my deep struggles. I cleaned it up a little for the post.
___

RALA told me a couple years ago that Taurus was connected to the throat and it might be about my voice - and that was what enticed me to look into astrology.

My chiron is painful because my pipeline to Earth is my self expression. My voice was my primary vehicle for this before I got sick and lost my voice forever. The chiron is connected to throat, so when I lost my voice, I lost my self expression. It makes sense it's at Taurus, on the opposite side of most of my signs except Moon. It shows the HUGE disconnect.

Taurus is connected to Venus, and my voice was finely honed and was considered beautiful in a way that no other part of me ever will be. As a LIBRA IN 8TH with Scorpio Mercury - who used my voice to transform my libido and passion into beauty and make it manifest through the voice - this was an irreparable disconnect. Any singer losing their voice is tragic but this was all I had. With my tritype, I put all my eggs in one basket and charge forward. With 4 leading I had one identity I knew as a child. I was left with nothing. Merely an animal.

In a way I worship animals and see them as MORE than humans and thats the metaphor too, like I'm something beyond and something more primal at once; but also I am essentially separate from the world of humans. If cant make Erosia manifest then I only get MORE self absorbed in trying to find a way to do it. When I was singing, my attitude was more involved. I had my thing 'down, ' practiced it every day, honed my craft and had a vision that was coming to life - then I was also present with others. The "pipeline" to Earth was my voice; now theres no pipeline. So my stories, visions, music - are trapped inside, unseen and unknown; my heart and passion isolated.

And thats why all these people claiming "I don't know who I am" aren't fours. Fours need to express the identity they already know they have. The frustration is about the disconnect between who they are and how they fail to communicate it. I understand the argument that this identity may be false or arbitrary, but it's subjective and personal, so that is irrelevant. Things like love, identity, God, etc - don't exist to us unless we believe in them. Anything that makes life beautiful and fulfilling could be philosophized away by some nihilsit saying nothing really exists. And I half agree. It's not about if it REALLY exists, it's about how you want to live your life and focus your energy. Because beauty and emotion clearly "exist" as much as anything can, so if I can tap into the beauty and emotion at the heart of all humanity, then my life is worth living. There are other things to make life worth living TOO, but that one is mine. So I really don't see the point in asking, does identity really exist? It's subjective. The end. Does God exist? Does love? You can debate it for eons but then miss the beauty and passion right in front of you. And THAT is why four is romantic. There are other types that may be more classically romantic TOWARD OTHERS, but four has a romance with honing the beauty of identity and its expression. And this is why I keep saying four is SEPARATE on the opposite end of the enneagram than 9, which may seek universal truth.

The world inside me is beautiful and fulfilling but I cant make it incarnate. Taurus is the earthly manifestation of beauty, and having a Chiron there- for me - is basically four's discomfort with being incarnate.

Beyond that, my chiron in Taurus is smack in the middle between 2nd and 3rd house. The second is about material possessions and security. My vocal cords are material, but I also had a lucrative career in music before I got sick. I had 10k saved up at age 15. I was going places and I knew exactly where. I was not just some rock singer; I had a classically trained voice and could have done anything from commercials to Broadway. But my own music was taking off also. Having lost not only my voice, but my health in general (not to mention 50k per year medical bills, even with insurance), I've had trouble building any semblance of financial security, despite my determination.

The third house is about communication - which was cut off by losing my voice. This stops me not only from singing but also from communicating with anyone anywhere outside my quiet house or the internet, because when you're out in public there's a lot of noise and it's impossible to be heard. There's also stuff with siblings in 3rd. The birth of my brother - who is a Taurus himself - caused me to act badly when I was very young. I was envious, abandoned, betrayed. This is normal for a kid who is exactly 2.5 years old apparently, but I hated myself for it for many decades and it also caused issues in my early family life. Around age 8 I said I wasn't going to be mean to him anymore and I never was again. So I did fix the problem, but really he's the only person I've been unnecessarily mean to. I have ignored people, forgotten about them, and been too self absorbed to be 'good,' but I have rarely been mean otherwise. And I still live with that guilt.

[RALA]

Your Chiron is also opposing your Mercury in the 8th house pretty tightly I think the way you recorded your album after you lost your voice is a perfect picture of a Phoenix rising from the ashes ? (8th house theme)

[[redacted]]

There's more I could say since I didn't even touch on the pregnancy/motherhood theme but it's a weird thing to talk about. I never liked the idea about motherhood or pregnancy, partly because there's something repulsive about the pregnancy itself (though not to the point of nightmares even though I think it's a theme that makes most sense to explore in a horror story) but also I don't like the idea of the responsibility or self-sacrifice motherhood implies. So I don't know if this is necessarily Chiron's fault.

[RALA]