Making Sense of my Birth Chart

[TBerg]

As I think about my Birth Chart, I ponder the great role both air and fire play in my inception into the world. There is no doubt to me that the fire that consumes and releases energy and the air that accelerates are part of my essence to a huge degree. It is hard for me to have sustained passion without the ability to create vast amounts of fire as a combination of pure desire and pure ether, as the heaven meeting the Promethean gift wants to burn away earthly vines and brush that tether me to the Earth. It feels like I am Hermes trying to reach the Sun, because I have a certain disgust and boredom with the many dirty earthly realities that are part of life cycles.

Growing up, I had a certain disdain for complex emotional life. I thought that if only people would burn away the dross, then there would be a path forward for them. I have trouble remembering a time at which I was able to sit and discern any emotions that I could clearly identify as my own, as it just seemed like fire was burning the emotions away into the ether. I would like to have a life in which I felt earthly vitality, but it just seems like my fiery spirit burns away any grounded emotions as though there was no time to savor the harvest before disposing them in the bonfire. The connection to life seems to evade me. It seems like my soul demands everything be sacrificed in order that it goes up in smoke towards the heavens.

[Animal]

I am not an expert at reading charts, though I will say that I relate to some of this. Fire calls to me most, and my fire spreads fast, which indicates a secondary air. Yet my chart does not quite fall in line with this.

My chart is somewhat evenly spread among the elements, with Earth is lower than the others. I feel like there isn't enough fire in my chart to account for the fire in my soul. Not only do people always guess that I'm a fire sign, but also, it's all over my art. My second music album (which remains unrecorded) was around the concept of my passion burning away any lasting foundation.

In your case, you're a more earthy enneagram - 9 - but you have Sx/So which makes it all burn away, and accounts for the 'disgust and boredom with the many dirty earthly realities that are part of life cycles.' For me, my 4 is first, and my gut fix is right on the periphery - 8w7(7w6) -- it's not double gut, not very heavy on the 'Earth,' even though I'm gut second. It manifests more in the sense of feeling the power to pursue any challenge along my path. But it's still not quite the same as "Earth," because as four core my foundation is inside me, and not grounded on this planet. In the past, I mistook this for Sx/So, but I'm really Sp/Sx, and I'm so far outside of any sense of belonging on Earth, due to the four, that I'm not disgusted by it per se. It just is what it is; and I'm something else, and that's fine. So I do what I have to do to manifest the visions that come from inside me. And I can enjoy doing it too; it's a challenge.

But when it came to relationships, my passion would simmer like a volcano and then explode. I burned with tremendous passion and left destruction and chaos behind. It's only now, after MUCH self work as well as worldly work, that I've learned what kind of relationship foundation I can sustain, and it became easy.

Anyway, I just wanted to say this really spoke to me. I'm looking forward to any readings or interpretations of your chart that more experienced astrologers may have. I'll also stare at it for a while and see if anything comes.