Family - Blood or not - which relationship is stronger?

[Vive]

We all have families we came from, whether we like it or not. Some bonds are in mere blood, but others are more than that. You can have a big family, yet still feel like it is small, as you might hardly feel connected to them, despite them being 'family'.

Questions:
(It's not necessary to answer them all, pick those you find interesting to answer, or come up with your own if you desire so.)

What does the word 'family' mean to you?

When do you consider someone to be 'family'?

Which relationships are stronger/more important for you: your relatives (by blood) or your friends/partner/etc

With whom do you have the best connections (uncles, friends, your mother, etc, etc)?

[Mahat]

What does the word 'family' mean to you?When do you consider someone to be 'family'?Which relationships are stronger/more important for you: your relatives (by blood) or your friends/partner/etc?With whom do you have the best connections (uncles, friends, your mother, etc, etc)?

[Mahat]

There are a lot of things we don't consent to in life, but the nuclear family structure leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

[Vive]

Atelier

[Mahat]

Don't get me wrong I do love my family, but seeing what they've done for me and knowing what I owe gives me anxiety and makes me feel invaded. I think this is why i hold my autonomy so tightly; I don't want to owe anyone anything that I can't provide.

[Animal]

What does the word 'family' mean to you? When do you consider someone to be 'family'?

I met my soul brother when we were kids, and he is as much family as my blood family. He just stopped by - we have known each other (platonically) on every level for near three decades! He often travels, so I don't see him or hear from him for a few years - but he comes back when beckoned, or when he wants to. There is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that even if we don't speak for long stretches, the relationship is as strong as ever.

I suppose this is the difference between friends I adore down to the bone and trust completely, vs family. With family, you just know they're your family no matter what. That being said, I would not be above cutting off blood relatives if they were shit people, and no longer considering them family. In fact, I have relatives like that, and I don't stress about it, I just don't... consider them. Until questions like this come up, I forget they exist. My nuclear family also does not burden me with obligatory connections. They do their thing and I do mine. For me, this is a requirement for 'family' because I don't do well with anyone breathing down my neck except for my lover. As a rule, if you're not biting and kissing my neck, don't breathe down it, because I withdraw completely. People who share this mindset and don't need to negotiate about it (which, luckily, includes my nuclear family) - but yet, are still completely present with me when we do see each other, are usually the type of people that end up feeling like family. Them being 'family' feels more like an "obvious fact" than something I have to choose.

Which relationships are stronger/more important for you: your relatives (by blood) or your friends/partner/etc

My partner above all. With the exception of my soul brother who is practically like my soul-twin (he's the evil one! just kidding), I don't like pulling rank between my friends and family. I don't have a lot of friends, just a handful of really amazing close ones - including three I've known most of my life and consider family. The reason I place my blood family at the same exact importance as those who know my soul inside and out, is because I have an amazing blood family, who also know me and loves me fully, work with me on creative projects, blow my mind with their awesomeness, have values that I jive with, etc. My nuclear family members are people I would be friends with even if we weren't related. Just great people. Due to all we have been through together, the fights we have fought together, and the intense traumas we have undergone together, my nuclear family is definitely tops for me when it comes to trust, openness, truth, and respect. However this is not something I take for granted due to 'blood' - it's something we earned with each other.

With whom do you have the best connections (uncles, friends, your mother, etc, etc)?

Same answer as the above, since I base "importance" on in-depth personal connection. It took me a minute to figure out why these were two separate questions, but then I got it, haha.

Well, actually, I can add one point about my soul brother. I would not say that I "love him more" than some of my other best friends, but I just want to point out how profound this connection is. He considers Daeva his family too - not just because of me, but because they bonded together without me as well. It's no surprise that my soulmate would find himself so at home with my soul brother, and vice versa. My soul brother is kind to anyone that I introduce him to, but the level of bond that we all share as soul companions, who have lived other lives together, is a whole other experience. I would expect that whoever my soul brother ended up with would also feel this bond with me and my husband (soulmate). It's inevitable.

And that's... the "whole other level" and why I thought of him on the 'importance' question, although it is a hard question because I love my nuclear family and all my close friends, and love cannot be measured.

[Princess of Hearts]

Been thinking about this, I think I don't really have a strong concept of family, whether by blood or not.
Growing up I enjoyed having a family (not just parents but aunts, uncles, etc.) like from perspective of...it being a group of friends that can never leave you lol and they buy you lots of presents?
I liked gatherings, guests and intrigues and such.
I always had quite a small family though and we weren't really as tight knit or traditional as most, so that may have an influence on my attitude.

I never really felt tied down by family, I don't think someone being family inherently makes them special unless you decide you want them to be, and if you do that makes it into an individual bond in my mind and doesn't have anything to do with family.
So bonds within family can be meaningful or less meaningful and if you have different people with mutual bonds you can consider it family if that's how you feel, but the word itself sounds meaningless to me so I wouldn't really go out of my way to consider anyone my family just because I feel close to them.

As for demands and indebtedness, it goes both ways and I don't see how it's different from any other relationship aside from the fact that you don't get to choose your family. But you can still do things on your own terms, and if they demand ridiculous things then it's on them and debt is all theirs.

Even when I think about my future family I don't really think in terms of building a family , the word family literally never comes up even though I'm already thinking of how I'd name my children. As far as children go, I think it's only natural to feel a bond and complete responsibility for someone you gave birth to, who is a product of your and your partner's love, who you've been with through everything since day one and who your life revolved around for years, etc. , so yes it's special on both sides because you are 'family', but I just don't see family as any sort of magic word.

[inkreservoir]

[deleted ?]

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