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Absolute deal breakers in relationships. Go.

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    Absolute deal breakers in relationships. Go.

    Someone posted that exact thing on facebook and I thought it's a good thread idea. So, have at it!

    I'm picky. Assuming that I've decided to have a relationship with someone, here's how some have managed to lose me --

    1. Cheating. (NO exceptions on this. I will not 'forgive' this unless he was raped. I am more open to the idea of an open relationship, than to a person who has deceived and betrayed me.)

    2. Lying with intent to deceive me (I know people lie by omitting something they thought wasn't important, by misremembering, exaggerating etc, that doesn't count -- but lying to control and manipulate me is NO.)

    3. Being more into his mother or other family member than me

    4. Caving in to his family's expectations even while claiming he doesn't want those things 'for us,' but he just can't say no to his fam

    5. Relying on me (a chronically ill person) for income or housing when he is perfectly capable of working

    6. Taking on far-left values (I don't date leftists, but if he starts veering that way after he's with me, I'm out)

    7. Ignorant comments about Jews or Jewishness

    8. Seeing me as an authority or a mother figure, instead of an equal who also has needs & emotions

    9. Embracing an aesthetic that I can't stand (aesthetic is not just about fads and phases, it's an expression of the soul -- if he doesn't agree, fine, but he's not right for me as a partner)

    10. Neglecting to show me off, keeping things secret or quiet

    11. Expecting me to keep the relationship secret and quiet

    12. Acting like a victim or a wilting flower every time I express anger, instead of acknowledging my concerns

    13. Being afraid of me-- my passion, my anger, my needs, my soul

    14. Failing to appreciate the concept of 'male beauty' and neglecting to honor & showcase his own beauty

    15. Denying an addiction to television or video games, and instead of addressing it, acting like I'm an evil witch

    16. Excessive smoking, pot smoking, alcohol consumption

    17. Refusal to try to improve his conditions. I can fight by someone's side no matter how shit their life is, but if they refuse to fight with me, I can't do it for them.


      1. Weakness. You know, that victimhood mindset and space some people get stuck in.
      2. Zero loyalty traits. Cheating and lying and even not being 100% focused on me like I would on him.
      3. Disinterest in their appearance.
      4. Smoking and drinking. Seriously, both are disgusting. I am all about smell and touch and these 2 really makes someone smell not so nice lol. I don't care about their diet choices (as long as they take interest in their health and try to eat decent), I never understood vegetarians who say they wouldn't date meat eaters. But to each their own. And what is hotter than a guy who doesn't smoke and drinks at all in a world where almost all do? A guy told me once he never ever in his life got drunk and that turned me the fuck on. I don't know why. Maybe because that was proof that he was his own person and hard to be influenced. And clearly a weirdo, I love weirdos haha.
      5. No respect. I have high expectations regarding this and I am a bit of a hypocrite because I myself gotta work on this a lot. But yes, I think respect is so so important.
      6. No direction and sense of purpose, and a desire to better himself and not just go through life living it. Fuck the ''I'm here for a good time, not a long time'' thing, I'm here for a meaningful time and that makes it a good time for me as well, and I want someone who feels the same.

      There are more, like little things but for me are big cause I'm picky too lol. Like for example, it's very important he doesn't snore lol, cause I am sensitive to sounds. And I love it when guys are very neat and orderly too. etc etc etc lol. Probably a lot more will come to mind once I've posted this, it always happens lol
      Turning pain into power.


      • Animal
        Animal commented
        Editing a comment
        I absolutely love and agree with these!!! YES!
        "A guy told me once he never ever in his life got drunk and that turned me the fuck on. I don't know why. Maybe because that was proof that he was his own person and hard to be influenced. And clearly a weirdo, I love weirdos haha."
        Hehehe that would turn me on also =D

      • BalalaikaBoy
        BalalaikaBoy commented
        Editing a comment
        based fucking list. 10/10

      • RALA
        RALA commented
        Editing a comment
        Erica, i love yours!

        Benjamin, based? You mean best maybeeeeee?

      - Abuse. Verbal, psychological, physical, whatever.

      - Lack of interest in me.

      - Assumptions that my role as female is to be sweet and smiling all the time, that it's your job to dominate me, that you set the rules and control the finances and I'm just a child for you to direct.

      - An unwillingness to open up, ever, at all, and all the conversations are about making money or flabbadabba blah blah pllllllth.

      - An unwillingness to work on the self--which honestly deal breaks pretty much everyone, but I'm just sick of the ego games.

      I'd otherwise be considered pretty forgiving though.


        Animal and RALA were on point.
        to those, I would add
        1) Anyone who is a "freak", especially if they go around bragging about it. That isn't what sex is about. That's what bragging to your friends about how against-the-grain and adventurous you are is about.
        2) Not have a pair bonding instinct. I don't need to date someone who was a virgin before they met me, but some people have had so much meaningless sex that their ability to form a real romantic bond has been eroded.
        3) Doesn't like to cuddle
        4) Withholds intimacy or sex, especially as a power tactic


          "based" is basically a combination of "that's cool as hell" and "finally someone gets it!" I don't normally use a ton of slang, but I like this one in particular because it says in one word what otherwise takes a few phrases to describe.


            I think some great things have been mentioned already.
            I would like to add to this list:

            1) Overinflated self-esteem.
            Don't get me wrong, I can handle people who are overconfident and have a little bit of a high opinion of themselves, but if someone constantly thinks that they're the shit and is unable to show a single grain of humility when it is due, this will make me lose my respect for you very quickly.

            2) No spine.
            I don't mind shyness, I don't mind that people are a little afraid of conflict and I don't even mind when someone is not very confident, but I need people with enough self-respect not to let themselves be walked over all the time. I want a little kickback, to see a little fury and fire when push comes to shove.

            3) No empathy.
            I think this one speaks for itself.
            "Distress, whether psychic, physical, or intellectual, need not at all produce nihilism.
            Such distress always permits a variety of interpretations."



            • Animal
              Animal commented
              Editing a comment
              I sense you and I err on opposite sides of these spectrums when it comes to pet peeves.
              I don't mind people who think they're the shit and are low on humility- although if someone is a narc using people [which veers into the territory of 'no empathy'], that's going too far.
              But I have a hard time dealing with people who are afraid of conflict and passive aggressive. I mean it's ok until it becomes my problem and I'm being covertly insulted and expected to figure it out or read their mind. I do better if I know what I'm dealing with.
              This may be just a result of our own personalities and having a harder or easier time responding to different people.

            • Vive
              Vive commented
              Editing a comment
              People low on humility don't bother me, really. If you're someone's good or even great at something and they know how good they are and the words match up with their accomplishments and actions, great, no complaints from me. It's really only when someone thinks they're the shit, but they are really just not and they have little to show for their words. This can be funny to me or annoying, it really depends on the person. The real deal breaker, though, is when there is never any humility and lots of boasting.

              But yeah, I don't care much about passive-aggressiveness. I do my best to listen to people, but if they communicate things poorly, especially by means of passive aggressiveness. It's not my problem, it's theirs. I have no desire to look for minute signs, warnings or whatever. If I pick up on that seems insulting or passive-aggressive I will probably bring it up, but otherwise I hardly think of it. If things start becoming my problem, because their continuous conflict avoidance and passive aggressiveness starts having seriously negative consequences for me, well then, yeah, I will probably get a little angry at least.

              However, I do also have the sense that our pet-peeves do seem to be on the opposite ends of the spectrum at least in regards to humility. Overinflated confidence is what grinds my gears, while forced humility grinds yours.

            • Animal
              Animal commented
              Editing a comment
              Exactly, both are mildly annoying to me, but the real 'gear grinding' comes in with the passive aggression if only because I have zero clue how to deal with it in a productive way.