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**Animal** · 01-14-2020, 07:46 PM

Personally, I related to this description, but not this one.

The first link, I talked about how I relate to it here, on this thread. The imagery was a clear match, for starters. Her image is the middle one, whereas the side ones are my own collages.

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The second link is more comprehensive, and it describes the psychological implications. I was very aware of those implications whenever I have recognized vampire themes in myself, but there are many reasons why it's not quite right.

What I do relate to is the theme of 'exile.' Being 'not part of' humanity, but feeding on them out of lust. However, the method in which I feed on them is not the typical 'narcissistic suckling' although I am not denying that when I'm most unhealthy I have some narcy qualities. But my problem is not so much about sucking the blood of others. It's more about using some as art fodder and muses, while others - including some in my life - don't really exist to me.

When I'm most unhealthy, I do feel like I'm immortal, with special talents and feats. I actually do have extreme sun sensitivity and heightened senses (eyes, hearing).... and my hairs stick up more than other people when walking in certain charged places. I have reasons I call myself Animal that are psychological, and some very physical. I'm oversensitive to stimulus and extremely tuned in to the fine auditory input. When I'm tuned into something emotionally, I feel it as if it's happening to me, personally. But I can feel someone's emotions as my own (introjection) - in the moment - without actually relating to that person's character, or even particularly caring about them in the long run. This sharing of emotions can be introjected into my art. And the other person never even has to know about it. When unhealthy, I tune most deeply into music and movies, and think about those themes that touched me most deeply, rather than concerning myself primarily with people who I interact with. Although there may be one romantic obsession who I worship and live for, who I dissect in my novels and music down to the bone.... who inspires me to transform... who makes me feel tremendous shame for being the way I am.

I find that many vampire archetypes are more 358ish, especially with 5 lead, at least how I view them. The 5ish vampires really focus on bloodlust and having these magic powers that allow them complete power over others. Although I have strong power themes, this is not quite enough for me, as I also have a deep need to express myself and sublimate my shame into art, and absolve it cathartically.

In some ways, I relate more to an archetype like Wolverine, who is an 8 lead, and Sp/Sx. He lives animalistically. There's something more raw and present about me. And I can never have enough of the person I desire, I'm always hungry, but I also want to protect and love them at any cost, even die doing so. Wolverine shares the vampiric exile feeling of being another species, another kind... not quite human, not quite beast. Exiled from any form of a normal life. But still hungry. In his case, unlike the typical 5ish vampire, wolverine's lust is up front and he is too big for the world. Too clumsy. This is me. Vampires are a bit too slick... able to disappear and reappear... more like 3 and 5.

So I definitely relate to vampire in the avarice and separateness from the human species, while having magical powers of their own that make them "superior," but still don't fill the hole in their heart. I also relate to the exiled Social-last 8 (and Wolverine may have 5 or 4, or maybe both, really not sure).... in having these powers that make them immortal, but giving their all for the one thing they really want; love - and being betrayed. (And mistaking lust for love.) There's that dry unhealthy lust where you just fuck and take and take.... and the wet unhealthy lust where you over-submit and over-give, a la line to 2, and get lead around by the nose, by someone who seems innocent and worth protecting. Then after they betray you or show their true colors you close up and harden, and isolate yourself emotionally again (line to 5). Then there's the four themes which are most prominent, the introjecting of muses and lovers into art, and feeling like the inner world is more real than my life - and sublimating all my feelings and interactions there, so that the ones that are real to me get mythologized, and the rest are just part of the blur of mundanity that I deal with as needed. Is this vampiric? I don't really know. Perhaps. But I don't really feel that my love would poison someone. I feel like if someone saw my true heart and inner world, they would find it very beautiful, and it would inspire them. For those who I love and trust, a world of beauty and love awaits. They can have their way... I'll do anything for them. I'm a martyr.

So that's my own uneasiness with identifying with the vampire archetype, although it definitely comes close to my themes in many portrayals. I'm very excited for this movie!

He strikes me as a 5 - physically weak, using his expertise to cure the weakness, then when he does it - becoming a pseudo-8ish BEAST. Much like Xmen character, Beast. But I don't see him transferring his deep emotions into a beautiful expression that absolves shame (4 to 1). It's all about power. It's so close, for me, SO damn close, but not quite it.

**RALA** · 01-27-2020, 03:45 AM

Animal

you should watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEio_Cx9ago

I loved this series, and the ending literally brought tears to my eyes.

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