Duality in Action

[Animal]

How does duality really work? How does it manifest in your life? Do you find that relationships with duals work best, or is there another that works better? Do you think duality is overrated?

I've read all the articles. I've done my research. This thread isn't intended to start a source war. I'm just curious how this actually manifests for you.

[Animal]

I'm SEE-C and my husband Daeva is LSI-H.

He is my soulmate, my everything. We have very different personality 'styles,' but our priorities could not possibly be more in line with each other. We also fill in where the other lacks. Basically, nothing is missing. We are complete equals.

Most of my close friends are ILI. I absolutely love these women and would do anything for them. They're some of the best friends I've had in my life, and I only met them the past few years. It makes me regret all the years when I was around women that betrayed me and didn't get me. If only I had known them before....

But I seem to be attracted romantically to LSI. Sometimes ILI... but I don't think the relationship would be, per se, better than what I have with my LSI.

I do see how the duality works well for a 'working' partnership. My husband can 'rely on me' for my Fe demonstrative in the social world sometimes, not to mention my extroversion, but he is also miffed by the way I handle people. I can be.. you know.. Gammaish. Blow off, too honest, too intense, inappropriate. He can be annoyed at my 'rudeness' while the ILI's enjoy the 'tiger eyes' and penetrating stare. But overall, our vision of the perfect life and how to spend our days is identical.

That said, ILI's find my Fe downright offensive. So... the problem that it causes for them is much worse.

[patrick]

Sometimes I come across people whose natural tendencies seem to balance mine and others who I would have to hide parts of myself to in order to not exhaust or upset them, so I tend to give them space and not interact with them unless necessary. I think duality is a theory built as if that experience were the most important thing about a relationship, a kind of 'working' partnership as you say, but I am more focused on what sorts of life aims a person has when I decide whether or not to get more involved with them.

Also, my Socionics personality gradually shifts based on my life situation, so I feel like I'd need to have the rest of my life settle down before I prioritize a dualistic relationship. I'm not sure what the theory says about that but I kinda just disagree with Jung's theory a bit. Things having your conscious and unconscious flip-flop are painted by Jung as traumatic but to me those things, while non-trivial, strike me as significantly more mundane. It's okay sometimes to "let Jesus take the wheel" as they say, and if you do that long enough, who's to say which one of you is "Jesus" at that point?

[Vive]

As far as I am aware, I am an LII-Ne.

I've had a good friendship with an ESE and was even romantically interested in one for a while. It was never anything earth-shattering, though. They naturally want to help me get out into the world more and push me out of comfort zones. They have a different focus for detail and build up their knowledge in a way I admire and can learn a lot from. I support them in thinking about themselves and learning to stand up for their own needs. I bring a more analytical perspective into their lives, which helps them figure things out for themselves.

While ESE's are great and there is definitely some truth in the concept of complimentary duals. I can't help but think that there are so much more possibilities. A specific cognitive function stack doesn't imply any particular amount of skill, just general inclinations towards certain types of skills. Being a specific type isn't necessary for being emotionally intelligent, respectful or mature.

So, Volcana, to answer your question about how duality manifests: I think dual relationships are generally helpful and good and stimulating in the sense that duals are people who get along with you well, naturally help you get further ahead in life, given that they are not too immature/unhealthy. It does take some self-knowledge to see where you are lacking and where others can help and support you. However, a dual relationship can be also be bad exactly because you're dealing with a person who compliments you, because if you don't work on yourself and change, you will just rely on that person to do and help with the things you're bad at/dislike.

I think dual relationships are not overrated, but I do think that this (the bolded text) aspect of those kinds of relationships has been given too little attention.

I have a tendency (in general) to be romantically interested in people who are also introverted, somewhat aloof and idealistic. My strongest romantic attraction so far has been to my current girlfriend (she is an IEI). We are very similiar in many ways. And it's because she is so introverted that I feel like I need to organize things, plan trips, etc. I can freely experiment with my extroverted side, which I am quite insecure about. And she lets me. Her similarity makes things challenging sometimes, and I like that. It means I have to push myself out of my own comfort zone, getting more experienced with things I am naturally not good at. I can see the same happening with her.

[vermilionplum]

ILI, I think duality is kinda overrated in the sense of "iF yOu AREnT wItH yOuR DuAl YoU wIlL NevEr bE HapPy aNd DiE mIsERabLe"

When I look at duality, I think theory, and when I think theory, I think interactions.

A theory is really just one isolation of reality. It's like saying "gravity exists, therefore everything must touch the ground at all times because there is always a force of gravity acting downwards" and completely ignoring birds who use the force of their wings to fly off of the ground.

Reality as itself is just... reality. If we were to accept reality as-is, then there is no need for pondering or much of a consciousness or thinking at all. Isolations are definitely important because interactions of isolations ultimately allows for us to recreate the picture of reality again- different yet same.

Duality is an isolation of cognitive functions interacting whereas the picture of a relationship is comprised of many more isolations (culture, age, enneagram, big five, literal dichotomies, upbringing, height, you get the idea).

Maybe it's better to start with reality as is- a relationship as two people interacting in between one another. A good relationship as two or more entities interacting with a general positive sense in relation to something.

In other words, the #1 cause of having a good relationship is to be in a good relationship, lolol

Then, the isolations are isolated from the overall relationship. Upon putting the isolations back together, some will conflict with each other, go around each other, buff/debuff other relations to produce the same thing as we started.

So then the actual argument for duality becomes, is it strong enough to override absolutely all other isolations? Probably not. Then the question becomes, "what level of overrride is an acceptable one?" And that in itself most likely will depend on other isolations as well.

It becomes like stats but the percentage itself vary with every person. Such a mess.

[Animal]

ILI, I think duality is kinda overrated in the sense of "iF yOu AREnT wItH yOuR DuAl YoU wIlL NevEr bE HapPy aNd DiE mIsERabLe"

You sure you're not ILE?

[vermilionplum]

Who knows, it's been discussed before that I might be an ILI with autism that makes me seem like Fe PoLR

[vermilionplum]

Just realized I went off topic T.T

Haven't met many duals though I will say I'm often adopted by ILE (NeTi)s :P

Also have had many SEI (SiFe) friends, that always ends up being like two dogs walking each other's leashes because we have each others' worst functions. My SiFe best friend in high school and I pretty much had a "I'll help you pass compsci and you be my PR manager" kinda deal XD

Currently married to an ILE, relationship is good. Though it was pretty much born out of Fx PoLR trolling. Though I do guess the Fx PoLR does tend to have a problem of putting the feefees off until it ends in some kinda 5 min SF superego standoff before we're cool again

Cognitive synchronicity or however that's spelled. Whatever other isolations I have seems to let that isolation work pretty well.

The duals I have met, it always ends up with "well that's dope, I agree with your process" and then we get bored of talking. Probably because we have the same functions. It's like we can predict what each other says and that gets bleh. Though I will agree that same quadra ppl make for great complaining buddies.

Maybe it doesn't work well for gamma quadra which is pretty much described as asocial creatures of no Fe and Ne? who knows lol.

[Animal]

vermilionplum Sorry, I thought you were someone else and I just realized who you are. I doubt you're ILE. That's hilarious that you get adopted by them though

[BalalaikaBoy]

One example of an SEE/ILI power couple I knew was a male SEE real estate dealer, who would hand over the profits who his ILI wife who was a stock trader. Quite possibly the most bad ass couple I've seen in my life.

That said, ILI's find my Fe downright offensive. So... the problem that it causes for them is much worse

I don't. your Fe is more like an opera singer rather than like someone trying to constantly put on an image, affect the feelings of others or foment revolutions.

[SnatchYourWeave]

Lack of understanding. This is the most frequent frustration with duals and semiduals. If the types don't have a realistic appraisal of their own suggestive, their base can be very smothering and draining for their dual because they refuse to really listen to them. SLE is paired up with IEI but I fucking HATE THEM!!! They're spineless and cowardly, indirect, wanting someone stronger and more bold to do their dirty work while they take the credit that they're somehow the "mastermind." Often times, I see them indulging in their stupid fantasies and wanting someone to come save them because they're a victim. I hate IEI because they abuse Se suggestive. They don't get that just because we both have Se in common doesn't mean we're equals. Why they insist on misusing Se is beyond me and it only serves to embarrass me where I want no affiliation with them at all. I know that their degraded Se is relevant in their particular context, but they keep misunderstanding what that context is because they keep trying to understand Se without context, or worse, through what they imagine my context would be. CRINGE. I hate people trying to get all psychological and try to dive into my head. That only serves to piss me off even more.

As far as I know, my relationships were with LSI-Se (mirror) and SEE-Se (comparative). I pretend the LSI is dead (he's alive and married to an ugly and boring Delta NF from what his family told me), but the SEE is actually dead (we were going to spend the rest of our lives together). I honestly don't think I'm any good with attracting anyone decent anymore so I've given up. It does seem that a lot of IEIs are drawn to me, which disgusts the hell out of me. They're lazy and dreamy, often not working nor have any real skillset to make a decent income and want me to come save them and support their stupid fantasies. I've been asked if I would ever get with another SLE (identical) and my response is a firm "no." My reasoning is we're too much alike and quite frankly, I wouldn't trust another SLE on a personal level. Professional, yes. Friendship, sure. But on a personal basis, we're both really shitty with Fi, we'll probably end up abusing each other and exploding because neither of us would get what we want from each other. I think SLE loves to use others as emotional punching bags and it wouldn't work out if we both tried that on each other. I want someone who'll fold to me while I break them, and something tells me that my male counterpart would also want this.

I don't have a lot of people I would consider "friends" but the ones who have stuck by me, ride or die have been SEIs and LIEs, so mirage and benefactor. I don't ask for anyone to understand me, but very few accept me for me and don't try to mold or change me into an image of what they want.