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    Tell Me About Your ANGER

    How does anger play a role in your life? What makes you angry? How do you express anger?
    http://thanatesque.com/

    NiTe 2w1 9w1 5w4 sp/sx

    #2
    Luckily I got pissed off tonight so I'm in the mood to write this. I saw an article where a law was passed in UK, allowing doctors to refuse treatment to tax-paying patients in hospitals who "are racist." Considering I've been called racist for saying I didn't agree with a healthcare plan, that is INFURIATING. So, I'll rant a bit. It may not be organized.
    ****

    Nothing pisses me off more than being intruded on. I tend to take responsibility for my own actions, so I don't feel intruded, for instance, if someone messages me. I'm perfectly capable of shutting off messenger, or not checking my emails. Intrusion is someone (aside from Daeva) coming into my room where I write or sleep. (Historically this obviously applies mostly to family, roommates, suitemates etc.) This is something I can't stand. I need my private space and I need to get into the flow with my work, which really brings me to another place. It's vulnerable. It's hard for me to put the genuine work I need to for writing or music while knowing someone could barge in at any time. Unfortunately due to my illness, I haven't been able to afford to live alone or just with Daeva. He understands my rhythm and it's always been natural to work with him around, which was a GIGANTIC factor in knowing I could marry him, aside from the feeling in my heart and soul. I've never been able to write with anyone else in the room, but doing it with him in the room feels like sharing space with a cat, even though we talk and interact much differently. :P I can be completely vulnerable and surrendered with him there. My creative space is sacred. And being intruded in my creative space is when I express anger SUPER fast and loud. This is when I've gone too far and regretted it. Most other times I feel my anger was honest (with myself, too) and proportionate to what was deserved.

    When I was unhealthy, this went even further. I wouldn't let lovers sleep over because waking up next to anyone was an intrusion on my next day. I got pissed off when friends got mad that I didn't hang out enough, and would back off for a while (after giving them a piece of my mind). I would tell every friend that I have this serious illness and I also have dreams to fulfill, and I cannot always do normal things like party and celebrate and come to events, nor can I stay up til 5 am, with my sleeping pill issues. I love being there for people I love when I am around, but ultimately, we all have to take responsibility for ourselves, and I don't ever ask people to be there when it isn't a good time for them. I don't require any excuses; I just look forward to our next meeting with an open heart. So pushing for too much 'shared responsibility' really puts me off. I have nothing against people who do this with each other, or who need this ideally, but who respect my boundaries when I lay them out. If I haven't laid the boundaries out clearly, that's ON ME, and not the other person's fault. And I tend to be clear about what's on me and what isn't. But when someone keeps pushing past that after I've explained it (which I will do patiently at least several times), I get pissed off and soon cut them out. My tolerance for people who indulge their own voluntary weakness and expect people to fluff their ass hairs - is zero. My life is short and I expect to finish a handful of projects, finance it, and also deal with this ongoing illness. During the rest of my time, I may follow my whims, and that is nobody else's business. Obviously I'll prioritize a real crisis - and yes, it's up to me to decide what that means. If someone really can't stand it, they don't have to be friends with me.

    For years, I didn't tell anyone any specifics day to day about my illness. I was even reluctant with Daeva at first. If someone hasn't been through my illness from the start (which applies to my mom and doctors ONLY), it's like torture for me to get into my illness verbally. It's overwhelming for me to try to explain it in context, and overwhelming for them to have to hear even the tiniest fraction of it. It also makes me feel vulnerable. So friends would not just take my word that I have serious medical issues and can't hang out. There were a few times when I really cared about them A LOT and it pissed me off so much that I told them some details about what I did medically that day and what my symptoms were, and there's this sense of "omg... long silence... I had no idea." For some fucking reason people just didn't take my WORD for this and wouldn't get that I'm really sick. If I weren't I'd be working, dumbass. Don't they even fucking know me? I'd be RICH. But they think if I'm at home that means they're entitled to 100% of my time. Even if I explain that I'm writing and sick - but really, it's none of their business why I'm not with them. I'm just not. Shit like this is why I avoid having real friends, aside from very very few. (If you are reading this, rest assured that you are NOT the people I'm complaining about.)

    I don't mind complaining and yapping about the state of things in a larger way - health insurance, people asking what's wrong with my voice, the government, the state of hospitals - but that feels more like a social justice thing. I'm speaking about myself as an example of a larger issue; Lyme is a worldwide epidemic that isn't recognized. I think about the people whose families couldn't help them and who were poor, and I am really lucky to be alive - so I speak out more because there's a point to it. There's no point however, in talking about my specific ailments day to day that are far too complicated for most to understand. I have rarely and only recently made exceptions.

    And this leads to another thing that pisses me off - voluntary weakness, robo-politics, and tremendous inconsistency. Here's a post I just wrote:

    There are all these policies now, where you get fined or punished for saying the wrong word. Does anyone realize this is extremely ableist? When I am suffering from brain fog, due to a condition that affects me neurologically, I have word finding problems and mix things up. So I have misgendered cispeople, even before transgenderism was talked about, just out of sheer confusion. I imagine today I'd be punished sorely for this. It's extremely unfair to expect people who are unhealthy to keep up with the times on 'the wrong words.' Ableist as fuck. If you're going to yack about privilege, you must think about everyone, even the sick. Being black, gay or trans can be celebrated for genuine reasons - whereas being sick is just unattractive and bad. Nobody wants it. Beyond that, being sick means you don't have the energy for extensive meetups, rallies and parades to promote your cause and generate empathy. And let's not even get into the difficulty of working vs. the cost of medical bills. The chronically ill are at the bottom of the pile and your abusive policies affect US first.

    I don't, internally, classify myself as anything and place that category on an oppression ladder - bi, disabled, white whatever- irrelevant. I'm me. I also despise the oppression olympics and certainly don't feel that I'm at the bottom of any ladder, even if I know that in some ways I am. However, what I'm doing here is using their logic against them. If they pretend to care about privilege then what about this particular privilege? They have no answer to these things. Because the foundation of their thinking now is "Celebrate diversity by forcing everyone to say the same exact things, and punishing them for thinking differently." There's simply no foundational ethic here that is actually meaningful. And this train of thought makes me angry, but it's not really about the specific people; it's about the whole mentality and how hypocritical and nonsensical it is. However I've been close with people who are inclined toward such thinking but who are FAIR and actually apply it in their life, and this is great. I don't expect them to think like me; just to have some integrity and accountability.

    So let's boil this down, what makes me angry...

    - Home intrusion (being in my physical private space)
    - Life intrusion (people who I'm close to and who affect me emotionally, so I can't just 'ignore it,' and they expect my life to be about them rather than my work and my own priorities. I cut these people out if it goes on for too long)
    - Blatant hypocrisy that boils down to an expectation for everyone to think exactly the same way, even as they call themselves diverse. The reason this pisses me off is because it translates to ORWELLIAN POLICY. It's happening already. It also encourages people to be weak, which is just another way for the government to get power over them, and keep them as dependent slaves. This plays out everywhere around me. It's not the slaves that I hate, it's the media and the forces that persuaded them to give up their autonomy and blindsighted them with lies. In many cases people choose not to see it, but in most, they just don't know any other way of being, thinking, living. They're indoctrinated.

    If I had to boil it down to one thing, it's about assaults on my autonomy, and the fact that I KNOW I could circumvent this easily if I were even REMOTELY healthy (physically). When I think I love someone, but they want only to make me think like them and complain about what I do with my time; when a policy leads to the government directly taking away things I depend on to survive (this has actually happened in concrete ways, HUGE ones), when I don't have control over my private space. I'm a very autonomous person, VERY, and had tons of money saved up at a young age, and was putting in the hard work to fulfill a passionate dream. I had no interest in a 'childhood' outside that. But illness takes away my ability to say "these conditions are stifling me, I'm gonna push myself and get out within a few months." This is why it becomes someone else's problem (like the people I live with who feel inclined to be more sociable at home). Healthier me would be my own boss, live in my own apartment (with Daeva now) and make my own rules. I have beaten the odds senseless during some periods of my life, so this is not a pipe dream. It's just how I am.

    When I'm remotely healthy, I move fast, I get what I want and nothing stops me. And this is at the heart of what REALLY pisses me off, that I can't take my life by the horns as I was born doing, because I'm literally, PHYSICALLY, not capable. Pushing myself past the limit is still not enough to really make anything happen, because soon enough, I end up bedridden and all my money gets spent again. But even as a child and teen when I was quite capable and pursuing my dreams at full speed and with integrity, I still got angry about people coming to my room. This is why I saved up more than 10k and was planning to BUY a mobile home as soon as I graduated (or sooner if I got the jobs on Broadway that I was auditioning for). Then at 16 I was almost dead. I feel that I attract friends who 'expect' my time because they think I'm not working and I'm just sitting here, and I do get caught up with talking if I don't have somewhere to be; so it has changed the automatic boundary of "no, I have to go to work." It's completely ON ME if I talk and talk; I don't expect ANYONE to be accountable for that. But the problem is when they start insulting me, telling me I'm a horrible person, putting demands on me... I mean, I literally hang up the phone and then don't answer, but they do it on PM. I've resorted to blocking people. I wonder, would they have respected my time if I had a job, or a career? Probably. Or they just wouldn't have sought me out. The state that I'm in makes people think I'm some pathetic needy person to be trifled with, and in some ways my life is ... not exactly boast worthy... so then I end up broken hearted when I find out that's all they were looking for. All of these things are reminders that all the willpower in the world won't get me out of this; and that's a big blow for someone with my vision and willpower. My hands are TIED. But not forever. Not forever. I have cut out all those people and I am SERIOUSLY done with this life. We can't do it in a few months, but we have a plan for the year. I wonder what it is that will piss me off after that.
    Last edited by Animal; 11-09-2019, 11:40 PM.

    Comment


    • Animal
      Animal commented
      Editing a comment
      Damn.. I guess it is pretty obvious in this post. And yeah it definitely was not a "completely irrational" typing, but my discomfort with it was that I'm not physically and visually 'embodied' on the level of a gut lead. I'm not super disembodied either but there's a definite... "discomfort with being incarnate" as Robin has explained it for four. I'm just always moving forward 8ishly, and the failure of my body itself is the only thing that can stop me. But what I'm moving forward *toward* is expressing my personal, original vision. I'm not nearly as interested in throwing all my energy into the reality that was given, as the one inside me is much more real to me and I am determined to make it manifest.
      Last edited by Animal; Yesterday, 02:17 AM.

    • BalalaikaBoy
      BalalaikaBoy commented
      Editing a comment
      might actually be 8w9 as opposed to 8w7

    • Animal
      Animal commented
      Editing a comment
      I'm too fast for that. zapzap 🔥
      8w9 has the sensual earthy "slow" gutty presence whereas I am all fire and lightning. I'm curious what gives that impression tho?

      Btw I also just realized after rereading it that this post ties into a concept related to four that I've been exploring - I will post about it elsewhere soon.

    #3
    I rarely feel angry. A lot of the same things that anger other people will make me sad, disappointed, even frustrated, but not angry.
    What does make me angry are breaches of trust or similar personal affronts within my closest circle of friends and family. For example, if someone makes a decision that negatively affects me without including me in the decision-making process (this happened twice in recent history, and one of these times resulted in the end of the friendship), I will be livid. Trust is a big deal to me.

    When someone outside my circle does me wrong, however, I merely get sad. For example, when I told a previous landlord that I needed a ground floor unit because I have a piano and she said not to worry, the unit she was showing me wouldn't be the one I'd get. And then I got there on moving day to find stairs. I just wanted to cry the same as I'd want to cry if an "act of god" ruined my day. I don't get angry at the universe. And I don't get angry at the random people that are a part of it. I lose respect for them, sure. But I don't get that same blood-boiling effect that I do with friends.

    As for my friends, I am exceptionally forgiving. The breaches of trust I am talking about are major. When they occur, all my fear of conflict disappears. I will go straight for the cutting words when confronting the offending party. I no longer care about preserving harmony or even the friendship in that first moment of confrontation. All I can think is that the responsibility is entirely on them if they want to stay a part of my life. Sometimes, these releases during confrontation are cathartic for me and sometimes I feel terrible afterwards. It depends on the exact nature of the conflict and my relationship with the person as to how I will feel after expressing anger.

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    • [redacted]
      [redacted] commented
      Editing a comment
      Hmm, that's interesting.

    • MountainFlower
      MountainFlower commented
      Editing a comment
      Frustration is a precursor to anger. After thinking to comment this, I googled just to see how far off base I am, and it seems this is the standard psychological hierarchy. It's just that often, anger occurs so soon after frustration that they can seem one and the same. After giving more thought to my own situation, I realize I am not entirely immune to frustration-induced anger, but it tends to be limited to times of pms. In these cases, I can indeed express a sudden anger-filled outburst. I usually don't think of these times when looking at the bigger picture of anger in my life. I don't know why.. I mean, they count too I guess. But they don't feel like "me." And I regret the outburst nearly the moment it happens. eh.. oh well, w/e. In general, it stands that I don't think of myself as easy to anger.

    • [redacted]
      [redacted] commented
      Editing a comment
      Ah, I often feel awkward after an outburst, because it feels like I've given away too much... I keep meaning to make a proper post about it, but it's hard to words =P

    #4
    I used to be angry all of the time though it wasn't an emotion I directly expressed. Seething, rage-filled, and immersed in my own resentment, I used to write treatises on anger and the liberating effects of anger. Anger was both my Achilles heel and my road to salvation or so I thought on the latter. When you've repressed your rage for so long, expressing it becomes an act of liberation and rebellion. The reason why I repressed it for as long as I did was because it felt unjustified - my rage was a response to the depression I experienced, the envy I had, the lack of control I felt, as well as towards the general imperfection of the world. I felt unjustified in expressing it because it was too destabilizing for both myself and others. Plus I wasn't quite sure how to express it, so I just let it fester and brew. Paradoxically, as the repression grew the more justified I felt in my rage - why does everyone else have free license to express themselves as freely as they want while I have to suffer in silence? Why do I have to control myself while everyone else does what they want? Of course the actual reality is different, if not contrary, to how I felt but that was my salience landscape at the time. It goes to show how far the mind goes in confirming and justifying its salience landscape in order to preserve the ego. By that logic, if everyone else can freely be themselves, why can't I? I'm entitled to all of the rage I felt. Lovers and friends got the worst of it through my harsh criticisms. I even had a relationship who's backbone rested on the anger and resentment we felt toward each and the world around us. It wasn't enough to feel rage, I had to unleash it onto others and onto the world because they deserved every drop of it.

    So what makes me angry? Anything really depending on what neurochemical cocktail I'm riding on. These days I don't experience my anger as intensely as I used to due to medications and self-work, but lately these things have seriously annoyed me,

    1. Bad/Lazy Thinking - This is different from stupidity since intelligent people are susceptible to this; I'm actually much harder on more intelligent and well-educated people for doing this since they should know better. This is not just an intellectual ivory tower thing, it has tangible practical consequences. I define bad thinking as an inability (or unwillingness) to separate one's salience landscape from the objective reality of the situation. A salience landscape is a map that details the emotional significance of everything in the someone's environment. This lack of separation leads to bullshitting, which is an indifference to the truth, and confirmation bias. Effective thinking leads to the awareness how the agent (you) and arena (your environment) co-occur and thus an awareness of how our cognitive biases filter our worldview. Everything in modern society from the media, to advertisements, to political propaganda seeks to suppress this and actually play on people's natural cognitive biases. We all have certain heuristic cognitive biases as a way to efficiently deal with reality especially in more small-scale ways but when it comes to more complex systems (like politics) these biases only limit us. But what annoys me the most is the conceit of more intelligent folk who think they're right when in reality they're operating from an extremely filtered (and faulty) point of view.

    2. Voluntary Weakness and Complacency - I combined these two because they tend to co-occur together. These are fairly self-explanatory.

    3. Being Intruded Upon - I'm very territorial with my space, time, and privacy, and someone's entitlement to any of these, even if they're friends and lovers, is going to met with direct anger.

    I think I'm a Gnostic at heart - I'm frustrated with imperfection, hypocrisy, and glaring contradictions of reality and yearn for a more exalted state. My rage felt like I existed since I feel so detached and insubstantial as is. It gave me a body to rest on.
    Last edited by Atelier; 11-10-2019, 11:27 AM.
    http://thanatesque.com/

    NiTe 2w1 9w1 5w4 sp/sx

    Comment


    • Animal
      Animal commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh for sure. That's the reason I focused on voluntary weakness and groupthink - because I know that I'm prone to it just due to being human. It's something a bit more fathomable to me (that could happen to me) than complacency. Not saying that I'm completely immune but those other two seem more like real dangers to combat, something I can understand.
      I had to work hard to reawaken myself from the undead. When I was undead, it wasn't so much about complacency - but I was vampiric and amimalistic. It sounds mythologized and glamorous when I use those words but it wasn't. I was not content or complacent to stay that way - I worked hard to emerge- but I did indulge passions and addictions that kept me that way, and I was very aware of that, but also felt "the only way out is through." But I never changed my mind that I was "undead" regardless because I was not capable of accepting LOVE and the path forward was rocky. I needed clarity.

    • Atelier
      Atelier commented
      Editing a comment
      It doesn't sound mythologized at all, it perfectly describes what occurred during that lifetime. I've always found you lucid in how you conceived yourself even at your worst (I didn't know back then of course, but that's how I see it). Probably the most lucid self-perception I've ever encountered.
      Last edited by Atelier; 11-10-2019, 01:41 PM.

    • Animal
      Animal commented
      Editing a comment
      Wow thank you :O
      I suppose it doesn't hurt that I kept diaries, took self portraits, had others photograph me even at my nakedest, wrote stories etc.... this way I can't distort my perception because if I want to know, I have only to pull up those pictures or files, and there it is.
      Last edited by Animal; 11-11-2019, 12:26 AM.

    #5
    Originally posted by Atelier View Post
    How does anger play a role in your life? What makes you angry? How do you express anger?
    Let me start by saying that it is very rare for me to get truly angry. It is genuinely hard to anger me.

    From very early on I feel like I had a very interal locus of control and I have felt very responsible for what I do and what happens because of my actions, yet I often felt like I could not handle that responsibility or I feared not being able to handle it in the future. Anger surfaced from time to time, but it could get no real grip, because, I did not feel like I have the power to change things. Sure I felt (and can feel) a lot of frustration, but frustration is exactly what happens when that anger can't find anything external to attach to. There was no sense of 'I can deal with whatever I need to deal with'. So, I had a hard time expressing it too.

    Currently I feel like I can handle quite a lot, although I have plenty of insecurities and from time to time I can slip back into the 'I don't think I can deal with what's going to happen!' kind of very fearful mode. I can get annoyed at people who don't pay any attention to other people's needs, people who are stuck in their ways and by "he's an asshole to me so that gives me the right to be one too" discussions on both a small and grander scale. Condescending people also grind my gears along with my own inattentiveness to the present moment. I usually make my annoyment quite verbal. Barely anything makes me really angry, though.

    Real anger is sort of my last-resort defense system. You'd have to cross my boundaries many, many times before you would get to any real anger. If you do manage to really trigger it though, don't say I didn't warn you, because I will have. It's my shadow you're summoning and it will be quite desperate. It's a last resort I haven't had to use for a long while, which I'm very glad about. When I did use it as a kid, I people end up getting beaten up, friends end up on the floor gasping for air and friendships get destroyed. In the moment I am very angry there is a sort of carnal enjoyment, followed thereafter by tremendous guilt. Interesting shadow to explore, but I really do hope it doesn't have to come out in such a way, ever again, really.

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    • Atelier
      Atelier commented
      Editing a comment
      It's interesting that you brought up the locus of control because during the period where my anger was most intense my internal locus of control wasn't very developed hence the intense rage at events and situations I couldn't control. I should've taken a page from the Stoics - to not have events and their meaning co-occur together. To recognize that I can change the meaning events while realizing the events themselves are out of my control. Intellectually I knew this, but I never internalized this. It took a lot of work to make me realize this. I have still to work on this.

    #6
    The bottom line, for me, is that anger is fuel that gets redirected toward conquering my goals. A very direct example is after a breakup where I felt a lot of anger, I would go to the gym with headphones playing mix tapes full of songs that mirrored my internal state, and I would KILL IT. That emotion and anger gave me fuel to be muscular as fuck because I didn't want to stop until all of that rage was purged. And that was a perfect place to direct it because I needed to look hot for my music stuff. There was some envy here too - because my ex was the musician I 'could have been' (though his particular music is very different) - and I needed to reclaim my destiny. To show him what I'm made of, to remind myself, and to be reborn from the ashes of trauma. For years in the city, I was unstoppable, ON all the time. Every second of my life was dedicated to keeping the sliver of a voice I had left (cleaning to avoid allergens, exercising, eating properly, avoiding loud places, not socializing much, practicing enough but not too much, working to pay for the music stuff, doctor routines, so much more...). But I had so much FUEL that got directed into that vision - nothing would stop me. The anger driving it was the same I discussed - about the illness taking everything from me. The envy for my ex drove me into full forward-moving gear.

    So the reason I'm frustrated now is that I got sicker again this past couple years, and forward-moving is near impossible. I don't say that lightly but if I can't even perform basic functions adequately - like breathing - then what?? But the only way I know is to keep moving forward. So I'm finding a way. If you can't fly walk, if you can't walk, crawl. That's the only way I know. It's slow moving this time but I trust that I will beat the odds senseless.

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      #7
      This is too big of a topic for me to go into detail at the moment, but I just wanted to say one thing about anger that I find gets side-stepped. Like many other instinctive emotions, anger has a volume button so to speak. I find people talk about anger as if all anger is the same, regardless if someone is just peeved off 😒 (maybe 1,2, or 3 level), moderately pissed off 😡 at average level or ready to let blow at “look out” level” 🤬 (above 7 maybe on the dial-o-meter).

      I find that level of anger makes a huge difference to me. I tend to have ways of dealing with each since they have their own kind of category. For example, not treating a low-level anger the same as a higher one is extremely important to me as per functioning properly day to day.





      “Without craftsmanship, inspiration is a mere reed shaken in the wind.” Johannes Brahms

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        #8
        Anger is the most primal and truthful expression as to who we are as separate beings, in my experience. Thus, I have always respected this as the most reliable indicator for not just survival, but also for growth.
        “Without craftsmanship, inspiration is a mere reed shaken in the wind.” Johannes Brahms

        Comment


          #9
          I'm copying Daeva 's questions from the other thread

          How do you experience it? Do you welcome it? Take it for granted as normal and just deal with it? Hardly ever if at all feel it? Dread it? Respect it? Or something else?
          it feels kind of primitive. I'd almost use the term "ghetto" to describe it (indeed, in spite of being a conservative white country boi, I often relate much more to ghetto people than white people. I had several lovely conversations with gang members who had shot multiple people when I lived in Chicago for example).

          ...with that said, I typically enjoy the sense of solidness and energy it brings, but the next thing I experience is a kind of repression. it's not the kind of repression that says "that's bad", as much as "no one controls me...no even my own anger." I'm not a "bad boy". I'm a patriarch, and that means that I must always maintain control, and that starts with myself.

          tbh, having the excuse to hurt people makes me happy. I love the feeling that comes with punishing people, smelling their fear, watching that look of defeat in their eyes. most of my interests involve something to do with war, strategy, swords, etc.

          What sorts of scenarios bring it on for you? How do you handle and express it - or not?
          - disrespect
          - people fucking with my friends
          - passive-aggression
          - pettiness
          - the kinds of terrible values that result from pettiness
          - bullies

          Do you have some clarity on how it derives from one of the anger/gut fixations, be it either your lead or one of your other fixations.
          If so, have you made any improvements on unproductive patterns, changed the way you respond since knowing or found any insights to share from your own experience or from knowing and learning from someone who has?
          one of the things that helped me tremendously was reading more. when I was younger, I was pissed off all the time and would just rant and confront people like an obnoxious loudmouth. taking a step back to read more, develop a thorough mental paradigm and understand the properties of how reality functions gives a certain mental flexibility which loosens the dogmatism and single minded punishment of anger.

          Have you known a 1,8, or 9 whom you admire for having overcome or dealt with their particular brand of anger in an exemplary way?
          my best friend is 8w7 Sp/Sx. one of his favorite quotes is "backbone is overrated". this guy is not coward. he went to state championships for wrestling....where he wrestled several weight classes up, beat the shit out of multiple gang members, trained naked in the snow and qualified for the junior olympics, but one of the most important lessons he learned was how to strategically back down. something I still suck at tbh.
          Last edited by BalalaikaBoy; Yesterday, 06:32 AM.

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          • Animal
            Animal commented
            Editing a comment
            "one of the most important lessons he learned was how to strategically back down. "
            Yeah. I learned this as a kid. Granted I'm not 8 first. But I realized that in some situations, I get more power by staying cool, direct and stern while the other person explodes. I was always (consciously or unconsciously) picking up ways to get power. Anger is a weapon and I wield it for my own good, and that of the people I care for.

          • BalalaikaBoy
            BalalaikaBoy commented
            Editing a comment
            I move forward even when I AM cool hahaha.
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