The Sexual Instinct Thread

[Daeva]

Do you have any questions or thoughts on the Sexual instinct?
Do you wonder what it is all about?
How Sexual are you?
How does the instinct combine with type?
How does it combine with the other instincts?
What does it mean to be Sexual dominant, aux, or blind?
Did anything profound happen to you that reminded you of the Sexual instinct?

This is the thread for it! Any thoughts and arguments on the instinct are welcome!

[Animal]

Sexual instinct is often mistaken for romantic desire, or valuing your partner or romantic crush over everyone else. The problem is, this is utterly human. Of course, there are asexual people out there, or people who don't want relationships... but sexual instinct in and of itself does not mean "I prioritize my relationship over my friendships." Most people go wild over their romantic attractions, and get driven crazy by love, desire and libido. That's the nature of the beast.

Real sx leads would live and breathe Sx. It wouldn't be limited to their relationship. Every moment is a chance to penetrate into something, spill juice and get all tangled up. People who have a conversation with them might feel invaded or naked, while also being mesmerized by their hypnotic tone. For example, see TBerg posts. He is spilling out of his skin.

[Eclipsed]

I can definitely be a drama-whore. I do find that when I'm in a neutral state of mind and body, I get quickly bored, because I'm not getting any chance to squeeze any emotional juices out of my situation(though that does not show externally at ALL, and is purely an internal process). This is what originally lead me to agree with an Sx dominant typing for myself- as well as that accounting for the confusion of me typing as 7w6 initially. However, I noticed I instinctively tend to idealize and seek a more modest, routine, not-spilling maintenance of life - and in my case, the need for emotional spillage was likely a combination of Sp 9 unsatisfied appetite(avoiding boredom, through eating perhaps, or similar things) with my multiple other withdrawn factors.

This reduction, I like to believe, gave me a clearer view of what Sx actually IS - though I should preface it with saying that nothing in typology IS a THING, and moreso an energy, magnitude, and vector directing a person, rooted in living (meta)physical forces which aren't conscious to most.
I've conceptualized Sx as the instinctive catalyst which drives people to meet the needs of their other instincts in the first place - it's rooted in the fulfillment of one's "reproductive" goals(not literal), that strives people to seemingly "squeeze"(that's what it feels/looks like) what they can out of life and ultimately actualize themselves. This is a very generalized definition, though I believe it captures it's essence, at least somewhat, as independent from the 9 types.

[ledyanoy]

SpaceCadet,

As a primary so/sp this very much resonates with me. I require accessing my other stackings in order to get out of my own self imposed ritualistic space. sp/sx brings more substrate, going down, digging up, and sort of acting as an agitating agent. I am still in the process of getting a handle on how sx/so in my particular stream manifests. But, definitely catalyst is a good term.

Energetically, it feels to me like a good great big clearing ? wind, hail, tidal waves, thunder and ? lightning storm. Lightning rods and their power have held constant inner meaning significance for me.

[BalalaikaBoy]

my definition of Sexual dom is fairly straightforward: primary neuroses around sexual attractiveness. That's why I type as Sx dom. Sx doms are constantly and unconsciously asking questions like
- how do I draw in sexual attention?
- how do I make myself irresistible to (insert target of obsession here)
- how do I look out for the needs of lover?
- how do I out-compete sexual rivals?

I don't necessarily think that romance is always Sx or vice versa, but that pair bonding is ONE style of sexual (it just so happens to me mine. I relate 100% the Fauvre's description of Sx, I just don't think it's the whole picture). some people obsess over one person for life, some go through phases of serial monogamy, others want more variety to their lust and may be straight up polygamous. the question is whether or not their primary neurotic drive is sexual gratification and the tactics/strategies necessary to get it.

similarly, when people talk about "intimacy", some over-attribute it to sexual, others to social. intimacy is sexual when it's about limerence or the ecstacy of merging during a sexual experience. social intimacy is the intimacy of friendship, belonging, etc.
ex:
Sexual intimacy: normally I find nightclubs disgusting, but I went to one while in the UK because I was feeling down, and had a bit of a "lust at first sight" experience that ended in the most magical sex I've ever had. With one smell I knew I had him before we even touched. With one kiss I felt like I knew everything about him.
Social intimacy: my 5 year old nephew woke me up, dragged me out of bed and made me watch cat videos with him on youtube, then we fell asleep on the couch.

Part of the issue I have with the Enneagram community (not just this group, many of the different schools tbh), is that they have this wide range of what Sp and Soc can look like, but everyone seems to narrow down Sx to one particular type of energy/vibe, behavioral strategy, etc. Sx doms can have just as much variety as Sp or Soc doms. there are Sx doms who are raw and carnal, Sx doms who are tender and romantic, Sx doms who are coy seducers, Sx doms who are serial monogamists, Sx doms who are obsessive stalkers, Sx doms who are gym rats. the strategies themselves (both conscious and unconscious) involve a great deal of intelligence and complexity, but the basic drive itself remains the same, and that's why instinct is: your base level drives, regardless of which strategies you use to meet them.

[BalalaikaBoy]

note: it's not necessarily feeling chemistry that makes you Sx dom, wanting friends that makes you Soc dom, etc (I'm Sx/Sp, and I posted an example how social intimacy for example). everyone has these things. what makes something your dominant instinct is a neurotic urgency that drives your patterns of attention and, by extension, behavior.

instincts prompt you to actually do something, you can't be Sx dom just because you watch porn compulsively or complain about not getting a girlfriend. it has to translate into some sort of informational awareness and action (birds have an instinct to actually fly, not to just think about flying).

[a2jc4life]

As it stands right now, instincts confuse the crap out of me because everyone's definitions seem to contradict everyone else's. And one thing that throws me off with Sx in particular is that most descriptions seem to revolve around the acquisition of a mate -- but that leaves a big blank in terms of what to expect to see in someone who already has a mate.

A couple random points that can add to the confusion:

BalalaikaBoy shared the above thoughts (or something very similar) about the Sx instinct elsewhere, and someone pointed out that the overall language is mostly image center-sounding. As a gut type, that distinction really sparked something for me, because "trying to be..." "trying to look..." etc. have never resonated. e.g. "How do I make myself irresistible?" is not the kind of thing that enters into my thought process -- but "How am I irresistible?" might be. The idea of "being" something just inherently makes more sense to me (as a general rule) than trying to "become" or "make myself" or "appear" a certain way. And that creates a kind of dichotomy in the kind of display usually described for Sx, that it isn't entirely clear whether it's a different core type's way of acting on the Sx instinct, or whether it's actually a difference of instinct.

Eclipsed also talked about emotions above, and this is another area where there's room (IMO) to question whether this is inherent to the instinct or inherent to certain core types' acting out of the instinct. Is Sx necessarily emotional? Or is Sx emotional when the individual who is Sx is emotional?

Animal's description: "Every moment is a chance to penetrate into something, spill juice and get all tangled up. People who have a conversation with them might feel invaded or naked, while also being mesmerized by their hypnotic tone" might make more sense to me than any other I've read yet, apart from "it's a general vibe." THIS, I think I can see happening with me, but usually in a somewhat "dry" and intellectual way, not heavily emotion-based.