The Social Instinct Thread

[Animal]

Volcana

Yeah, most lame internet descriptions, in my opinion, dehumanize the attachment types. They over-humanize four (to the point that many fours won't relate to it because it's so normal) - while dehumanizing sixes, nines etc.

I actually think the social 1 is more apt to be closer to the storm trooper caricature. It makes more sense for 6 to show more of a vulnerability to anxiety.

For sure.

Funny though, in the still pictures of Daeva

Most people say they can't read him but to me his nervousness is clear.

I notice in general that when someone has a certain type all their life, they learn coping mechanisms. For instance, fours have a strong sense of identity that they decide as children. So this compensates for the fear of 'lacking identity.' Others may argue the identity that the four claims is arbitrary, but fours are subjective and so 'this is who I am and that's that.' This is the overcompensation for the basic fear of having no unique personal identity. But you won't see a real four going around saying "I don't know who I am" in their teens or twenties.

Likewise, sixes wouldn't go around advertising their need for support or guidance. They learn to compensate. I'm not sure I'm cut out to explain what goes on in their head the way I did with four, but from the outside, many of them seem confident, statuesque or 'in the know.'

[ledyanoy]

[Animal]

I learned, after my own typing set in, that others would compensate for their deepest fears just as I did. And that's why some sixes could be some of the toughest people around - and these type of sixes are known to mistake themselves for 8s. This is part of why I moved away from 6 fix, actually! I'm quite bold, yes; but I also experience pure terror - and I don't feel any need to hide it or overcompensate. For instance I will whimper at the doctors office, downright make "scared cat" noises with no excuse made. I don't have that 'defensive' need to present as strong, I just take my power for granted until the moment when I feel scared and then I whimper.

Sixes - and six fix - will be more likely to present themselves as tough, to show the world they're in control - because that's what they want to see, too. They may think if they are weak it would upset others, or they might just feel embarrassed by it.... whatever it is, they know that they need to uphold some kind of stance around their own strength.

I also have to say, I hate the 'sweet bunny' Sp 6 descriptions. It's true that it can manifest that way, but I know a 6w5 Sp/Sx who is easily the toughest person I know- and he's 9w8 fixed, not even 8. They should leave room for the more counterphobic versions of Sp and Soc. That said, Daeva is phobic.

[Animal]

Don't get me wrong though - I'm very open to Sp/Sx for Daeva . Originally when he got here I absolutely insisted he had to be Sp/Sx. I strongly believe it's one of those two, and in that 'stream.'

[SpiritoftheGael]

VolcanaDaeva

I don't think E6 necessarily has a palpable nervousness. If you compare my social 6 boyfriend to me I'm the one bouncing my leg, playing with hair, picking at my lips etc. He's trained himself to act calm and confident. He's talked about it to me, all of his mental conditioning. He says at work (he works as a security guard) that when something happens like someone tries to commit suicide or something everyone else freezes except him, and he's immediately in action. He's always telling me I need to stop all of my nervous ticks in public because people prey off of anxiety. I literally don't even pay attention because number one social last and number two, I'm not a six, but he spends so much time considering how he comes across.

[ledyanoy]

I learned, after my own typing set in, that others would compensate for their deepest fears just as I did. And that's why some sixes could be some of the toughest people around - and these type of sixes are known to mistake themselves for 8s. This is part of why I moved away from 6 fix, actually! I'm quite bold, yes; but I also experience pure terror - and I don't feel any need to hide it or overcompensate. For instance I will whimper at the doctors office, downright make "scared cat" noises with no excuse made. I don't have that 'defensive' need to present as strong, I just take my power for granted until the moment when I feel scared and then I whimper.

Sixes - and six fix - will be more likely to present themselves as tough, to show the world they're in control - because that's what they want to see, too. They may think if they are weak it would upset others, or they might just feel embarrassed by it.... whatever it is, they know that they need to uphold some kind of stance around their own strength.

I also have to say, I hate the 'sweet bunny' Sp 6 descriptions. It's true that it can manifest that way, but I know a 6w5 Sp/Sx who is easily the toughest person I know- and he's 9w8 fixed, not even 8. They should leave room for the more counterphobic versions of Sp and Soc. That said, Daeva is phobic.

[ledyanoy]

Arya

[Mahat]

As a very withdrawn 2 (in both the enneagram sense and colloquial sense) with sp/sx when I'm out in public, I find it very hard to extend my focus and energy onto other people so thus I'm unaware of how I come off to others. For example, if I'm in a bar by myself, I would have earplugs on, listen to music (if I don't care much for the bar music), and be on my phone without a care in the world. Moreover my social needs and need for other as per closeness-alienation is very, very low compared to most to the point I forget how to human. Even in my most isolated, I rarely felt alienated (except in the Marxist labor sense of the word but that's a whole other topic).

Even when I occupy an ivory tower, I've always been attuned to the grittier aspects of reality and of people. The side that's taboo and social unacceptable, and I genuinely connect with people through subtly seducing them (that's the 2 talking) one of which is through being raw (but also understated) and "confessional". However, I can also put on a front in order in order to disconnect. At work primarily, I give off a more cheerful and smiley facade in order for others to not delve into my life. I'm not a afraid of connection, I just don't want too many people, and the wrong people to connect with me or else I get depleted. I know I can I draw people in, but I don't want to draw people in and have to explain and justify who I am and what I am about especially when it comes to my little inner world which occupies the majority of my focus. I don't ask questions about my coworkers' lives mainly because I don't care, but I also don't want them prying into my life.

[Princess of Hearts]

I definitely have social anxiety, I can't remember a time when I didn't, but it is not at all about feeling overwhelmed.
The main thing is that I fear people not reacting well to me, not liking me and often times I feel left out and like I'm intruding and just embarrassing myself, and it's like-if that is the case then I better just hide away.
I still remember giving out invitations for my 9th birthday party, I cheerfully walked up to this one popular girl I admired so much, and I'll never forget her response to me handing her the invitation- "Why do you even bother, no one will come."
I was left speechless, but I still gave her the invitation, didn't know what else to do, if I made a scene that would make it all even worse.
Something about it was so bizarre to me, that I for whatever reason was so sure this would not happen in this particular instance yet it very much did.
Oh well, I still knew people would come (and they did), had no doubt about that, because elementary school children don't say no to parties regardless of what some girl says?

But this is one of my biggest fears socially, but it also extends to romantic contexts, misjudging who I am, where I am, who I am even worthy of being in presence of, what I can expect in relation to someone, ultimately trying to give something of myself and it being rejected.

But I am also just quite 'social', I always know who is in the room and what exactly that means, I am very engaging and don't like disengaged people who are with me but aren't, I go places with sole purpose of interacting with people, of being somewhere that's actually somewhere, I think more than anything I often feel like I am creating Social contexts (but usually in a very low-key, non literal way), in a way I often feel like I'm hosting a party.

Perhaps there could be two dimensions to my So:
-the whole world is a stage and I have an audience at all times, for better and for worse
-the whole world is a party and I'm the hostess


Have more thoughts, these are my initial ones, trying on So/Sx right now, but I don't know if SP blindspot works based on what I wrote in SP thread.

[[redacted]]

It's... complicated (thinking about my relationship with the instinct). On one hand, I dislike the idea of belonging to or being a part of a community, but I see how there are advantages to civilization being a thing, like the only thing that keeps people from murdering each other or other horrific things is the law says they can't (even if that isn't 100% foolproof either, it's something), or the awareness that there are consequences if they do.

[[redacted]]

well, the social instinct is complicated

[[redacted]]

I don't necessarily dislike society, I just dislike the idea of belonging

[[redacted]]

So I've been trying to respond to the topic for a while but wasn't sure where to start because it is complicated, but I think that sums up an aspect of it.

[Animal]

Social is the instinct of communication , and I suck at this. I do care about social issues, but I'm just shit at getting my ideas across. A lot of thought and research and experience goes into my ideas but somehow the way I deliver them , they end up sounding like something other than I mean. I fail to tap into the collective "flow." I use the wrong terms, outdated groupings etc, but I swear my meaning and my research is meaningful and more advanced than it sounds.
Humans as a collective are just out of reach.

[a2jc4life]

I don't know how your brain works, but I've recently realized that I basically lack the ability to organize ideas inside my head. Unless they go IN already organized, it's like one big bucket, and I have to dump them out, organize them, and put them back in. It's why I "think best out loud." I have to actually talk through stuff in order to create some organization for the ideas -- and once I've DONE that, THEN I can communicate it clearly. But in the meantime, it tends to be muddled.

[[redacted]]

I feel like a lot of people are bad with communication... One problem is instead of making an effort to understand what's actually being said, they often prefer to jump the gun based on preconceived notions. All reaction with no thought put into it.